Its been a minute...Update

FloydSnax

Hello, all you wonderful people. Though Im sure you don't feel so wonderful. But don't forget, you are. There are so few people on the planet, that can do what you're doing. Keep it up. I'm on the other side now. However, I'm not the perfect example, yet. It's been only 143 days since my mom left. The whole time I cared for her(almost a decade), I dreamt of the days when I would be on the other side of this all. Not wishing for it to *$%&, but picturing me living my life again. Because for that decade, There were times I felt like a prisoner. She once almost burned down the place while I was in the shower! So leaving her alone was never an option. With little to no help from anyone.

Time DOES mellow the pain. I only break down once every 3 or 4 weeks. And I expect that to mellow too. It's weird, you want to get rid of everything that reminds you of your passed loved one, but you don't want to dull the memories. Let alone the guilt from deleting some photos. Getting better with photos but I stumbled on a little video I made of my mom and that shit sent my progress way back. Maybe I'll get used to pictures, but video? Doubtful.

The tough thing that I didn't really plan for was, although I had visions of my new happy life on the other side(reuniting with old friends, dating again, playing music again, finding a new career, vacationing...) all of which would bring a smile to my face and hope for my future new life. What I missed was the grief I would be going through at this time. How could I do these positive things when I wish dead? It's been 143 days and I think I can start doing some of these things. People grieve differently. And I'm on my path. Half way there. Same vision, just a little more time. I was the baby and quite attached.

When this all came to an end(my new beginning, really) I was a shell of the person I once was. I didn't realize how I had neglected my health(as much as you all told me not to). I was so busy making my mom's every day so happy and healthy that I didn't care about my own. My legs were atrophied from lying around for a decade. I had heard that sitting was the new cigarettes. Then what the hell is lying around? Absolutely no strength. I couldn't get up from the ground without help. And Im fairly young! I think. I walk as if I'm in my 90's. I was an athlete! It sucks. And body pains...Ok, I'll quit sharing my health issues. You get the point. I walk every day now. Still haven't run or jogged. Like everything else, getting better.

So if you know your health is not your priority and you're tired of everyone telling you that you need to take care of yourself...you will be me one day. It's your life. Do whatever you want. I don't think I would change anything I did. So, I'm still a work in progress. I used to be happy and laughing(joking)the whole day long. Haven't laughed in years. A smile here and there, but real laughter...soon. I will keep those interested, posted on my journey. This site was the single thing that got me through it all. Yes, you wonderful people.

GothicGremlin

I wanted to "like" your post and to "care" your post, but it looks like I can only do one of them, so I chose "care." But I also liked it too. 🙂

M1

Good to hear from you Floyd. I'd say you are doing well for six months out. I think there's something about the whole first year after a death that's psychologically important-hopefully the passage of time will continue to help.

harshedbuzz

Thanks for taking the time to update us. I hope others will heed your warning about looking after themselves-- it is so critical.

HB

mommyandme (m&m)

I hear you! I’m 10+ mos into stage 8 and all I can say is it’s all very hard. As the weather gets colder and the leaves are falling, I’m feeling more grief. It seems I’m rounding the corner that brought us to the end. I remember well when hospice discharged us in mid October 2022 and the hustle to try to get the equipment in that mom needed and was used to. I felt abandoned a bit and when she fell ill, the alleged abandonment was devastating for me, along with managing her care needs, alone. I really feel I had a sort of PTSD after she passed.

Life just continues… we do our best to grieve and heal…we’re never the same and it still just sucks.

Thanks for your update, I’m definitely interested.

SusanB-dil

Hi FloydSnax - agree - it is good to hear how you are doing.

"Take care of yourself" is sometimes easier said than done. Glad you are working on that, now.

Jgirl57

Thank you for your update and for the reminder about taking care of ourselves. Hugs to you as you continue on your “stage 8” journey.