This and that and ready to quit this journey

texoma2808

Hello everyone. I wanted to post earlier to thank everyone for the welcoming, but you know how it is, one day blends into the next and before you know it, life has moved to the next stage.

jerilynn66 - you got my location right. Not too many people know what texoma means. I am on the TX side of the lake.

ronald71111 - yes, we are sort of neighbors, I've been through your beautiful state quite a few times in earlier better days heading to the gulf coast and for other reasons. My step daughter attended LSU, go Tigers.

I appreciate the hints on the foods and meds, it still an ongoing battle some days. Part of the problem is that he not a finger food type of guy, except for ice cream & cookies. And when he is in an irritable mood and refuses to eat or take his pills, he won't accept a snack either. So no way can I slip his meds into anything. I'll figure it out eventually. The important one (at least to me) is the trazadone. A few times I've just walked up and popped it in his mouth and handed him water. I think he was so surprised that he just swallowed.

I also did get the gray Depends and they have been a god-send. He accepted them without a word and I can actually NOT do bedclothes at least 2 times a week right now. I'll take it as a win. And they have saved my couch several times, even though I have covers on it.

I've been keeping up with the posts and again almost every time I have an issue, or something is really getting to me, someone posts something similar. I answer a lot of them in my head, lol, and it makes me feel better. I had to chuckle today regarding the "squirreling" post. Hubby has been doing that for at least 3 yrs now. I used to get upset, now I just tell myself that it will show up eventually. Some things are still lost after months, others turn up when I least expect them. It's typical to hear me say "that's where that is" about 10 times a day.

Today was an exhausting day, both mentally and physically. Mowed for the last time this year (I hope) and hubby decided to turn into his 3 yr old self very early in the day and spent the day moving things around that I was trying to use and bringing things out and asking me what to do with them, where was something he couldn't find (nor explain what it was). And he kept getting upset because I wouldn't stop what I was doing to follow him into the house to look at/for something. Bless his heart, I know somewhere in his mind he was helping just as had always done in the past, because we always shared the chores, but he doesn't know how to help anymore, so we both end up frustrated.

I'm so tired of this journey, I want to give up but don't know how to. How do I walk away from my partner of 30+ years and say I'm done? I have support, thanks to the VA and my family, but I'm so tired. My daughter calls every day to "see how I am". I texted her not to call today because I just didn't have the strength to be "perky" and act like I'm ok with handling all the garbage this disease creates. She wants to help and be supportive, but I can't lay all the emotions and exhaustion on her, it wouldn't be fair to cause her the same pain I feel because she loves her step-dad and she loves me and it would hurt her to know she can't help. No one really can.

Thanks for being here, and for listening to my story, even when I don't post, it's a lifeline.

Hang in there everyone and don't forget to take care of yourselves and just breathe... (I think I forgot today 😔 )

texoma2808

ghphotog

Thank you for your post as so much of it resonates with me. Thank you for the encouraging word to "breathe".

jfkoc

"I'm fine"

The answer that many understand. It is code for I am coping with really not good stuff.

Jgirl57

Thank you for the update Texoma; Today I too am tired. We were turning clocks back this morning and it turned into a bigger deal than it needed to be. Also I like to watch cooking shows Sunday mornings and he “chatted” the whole time. When he gets like this it’s time for us to go out for a walk . Not too long ago we drove up to Tishomingo ( not too far from Texoma) and found a park to walk around and ate lunch at Blake Sheltons restaurant . I am glad you are finding this forum helpful

Whyzit

Texoma, We all want this to be over. Yesterday DH was angry with me and said we should split up. I wanted to jump up and say yes, yes, yes!!! Bye, enjoy your life, I’m out of here. But of course I used fiblets to get through it. I have really developed my fiblets skills, in fact I think I’m an expert. There should be some kind of award for fiblets creativity in the Academy Awards. We certainly are actors.

We have been on this alz journey for 13 years and married for just shy of 60 years.

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/187664#Comment_187664

13 yrs ago wife diagnosed??

jfkoc

There are several "omas" posting too...

CStrope

Maybe it was the time change that made this such a bad weekend. I was at my wits end today. We use HULU for our TV streaming service, and for some reason all of SW WI could not get on HULU. Not being able to turn on tv for DH to watch made the entire weekend exhausting. No Badger football and volleyball games, and no Packer game! I was at a loss for things to occupy DH while still trying to relax before the work week starts again tomorrow. I finally went down to the driveway and got in my car and cried. Not just a few tears rolling down my face cry, but an all out bawling out loud cry. I can't say that it helped, but I sure needed to do it.

When I walked back in the house DH didn't even know that I had walked out.

Crushed

after 7 years of 24/7/365 care taking the situation had gotten to me physically.

Stress is a killer At that moment we had been married 42 years

I turned over day today care to a facility but 6 years later she is still the love of my life. even though she has had no idea who I am for over 5

charley0419

Your breaking my heart

Iris L.

So no way can I slip his meds into anything.

---

Texoma, Some meds can be crushed and poured into coffee.

Iris