Trying to articulate an emotinonal experience I had

ghphotog

I'm a photographer, mostly real estate the last 10 years. Anyway I was shooting a property in Santa Fe while my DW was in daycare, I'm still fairly young and could have a few more good photography years left.

As I was wrapping up this particular job and putting my equipment away, there was an apartment complex down the street to my right. It was partly in shadow. I imagined living there by myself after this is all said and done and then an overwhelming sadness and loneliness hit my soul, similar to stepping outside from and air conditioned house and straight into an oven. The heat hits you immediately. The feeling almost overwhelmed me.

The thought of living someplace like that without friends, without family, knowing no one, I felt truly alone. It made me very grateful for my friends and what family I have left. I felt for those that are in that situation, no friends, no family. . . just alone in the world.

If I'm still standing when this is over my idea has always been to move somewhere I've never been and start life over but then I will be that lonely person in a strange place. I have no children of my own and I'm sure my step kids are going to want to take care of their 'ol step dad. However, I have great friends and that gives me hope.

I wanted to try and articulate that into words.

M1

Gh, i too fantasize about moving away and starting over. One of my dear med school classmates and I always talked about meeting up on the shores of Lake Geneva in another life, later life. But im not sure I'll have the energy when it's all said and done. Probably a good thing that we can't see the future. I understand your feeling, completely.

Love Santa Fe. Good memories there.

Dio

Ditto. Ditto. Love Santa Fe but I don't have friends or family there. Looking forward to a new life gives me hope for my own future. I'm planning to move closer to my family and fingers-crossed that I have the financial means to do it. Right now, the real estate market is not so great as interest rates go up. It's all about timing. And whether the Almighty has other plans for me. Still, having hope is a good thing.

jfkoc

I share that feelings come out of the blue. They have a life of their own and are uncontrollable. They can be overwhelming.

Re starting over....After my husband's death I stayed put but in a way I did start over. I became active at our art museum and trained to be a docent. My background was art so it was an easy choice but what was significant was I did not know anyone I became involved with.

Now regarding Santa Fe...we had a home there for years. It is, of course, an interesting place but what is unusual is the friendliness because everyone has come from somewhere else. That said, the friendliness does not extend beyond that large group of people but that is a topic for another time.

Anyway, a person does start over because their life has changed significantly. It is a time of newness. Like the song says some things are silver and some are gold....keep what you love while finding newness.

Added; my favorite activity at the museum is spending time with visitors who have dementia.

Jgirl57

Ghpotog, I think you articulated your feelings rather well. I hope you are still finding joy in your photography. This past summer I wanted to spend my 66th birthday in Santa Fe so I tied it into our trip to Arizona to see my husbands son. I drove quite a few miles on Route 66 . I now cherish the memory of our spending time in Santa Fe as I don’t think think long trips are in our future. My goal now is to take better care of myself so I can manage a future. ( he has lost weight and I have gained)

Whyzit

It is fun to dream of starting over in a new place but the reality is it can also be very difficult. Developing new friendships etc. takes time and patience. I really think what we are wanting and in need of is being free of all that being a caregiver entails. Being free to be our honest selves without using fiblets, free to be selfish in decision making, free to sleep in or stay up late, free to be in control of the tv remote, free to say yes or no without feeling guilty, etc. etc. etc. starting over in my own mind and soul….not necessarily going to a new physical location.

Anna2022

@ghphotog I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for putting it into public view.

Howaboutnow

@Whyzit —exactly.

Denise1847

I sometimes think about life after this disease. What will I do? Where will I live etc.? For me, I believe it is a way to dream for a better time when there is peace. I also, believe it gives us hope for our future and an escape from our present situation.

It is good that you came to the realization of our need for others as it will guide you to make healthy decisions at the right time.