Strange behavior

gabby_0789

Hi, I’m not sure if this is related to my moms dementia, but I’m noticing some strange things that she is doing. For example I found a lot of folded toilet paper everywhere in her drawers and in between her clothes. We noticed we were running out of toilet paper vey fast too. Not sure that it’s about and if certain behaviors come with her diagnosis. Just wondering if anyone else’s relative also had strange behavior?

terei

Take some time + read a number of posts here. Behavior like that is not unusual at all for PWD. Strange behavior will become the norm, I’m afraid.

M1

Indeed, these things are very common and inexplicable. Definitely dementia related.

psg712

Yes. My mom has been "sorting" her clothes. I found a good coat under a table, with old ATM receipts and other papers hidden underneath. Her umbrella was hanging on the bathroom towel rack. It hadn't rained in two weeks.

BassetHoundAnn

My mom stuffed a stack of 15-year-old cancelled checks inside the bottom of a tissue box. I found a copy of her will, my dad's discharge papers from WWII, and other papers inside the clothes dryer.

There was a charming story in this week's Washington Post about a young couple that moved into a house and discovered a pair of wedding rings tucked inside a kitchen ceiling light when they remodeled. They tracked down the prior owners of the house and discovered that one had been an elderly woman who had died of Alzheimer's years prior. They tracked down her son and returned his parents' long-lost wedding rings.

Hiding and squirreling things away is common behavior with dementia sufferers.

harshedbuzz

Ooh, ooh, 🖐️ me.

Auntie did this. It's not unusual for PWD to be fidgety. Not for nothing do the old hands here suggest folding towels or sorting buttons/coins as an activity to meet this need.

Paper was Auntie's preferred medium. When we cleaned out her compound after she was placed in an MCF, we found paper of all kinds all over the house, the workshop, the cottage, the boathouse and the garage. I found a 12' closet stacked floor to ceiling with cut-out NTY crossword puzzles, we found she made copied of checks from her investment accounts and then stapled the actual check and the envelope in which it arrived to the copy and then filed it under the bed and placemat, road maps from before the interstate highway system existed and takeout menus from all of the area restaurants going back to the 1940s. Ironically, many of the menus were from where she lived prior to retiring which is 350 miles away. I also found $1000 in Benjamins in a laundry basket filled with dirty socks. I bought her gently used Passat and after I drove it home I cleaned out two trash bags of neatly folded paper napkins and tissues. I thought I had gotten them all until I had a flat and the man from AAA discovered a stash in with the spare tire.

HB

dancsfo

I also found that a PWD hid things, perhaps to keep them safe from theft. That included important things, ID cards, or papers that I sometimes needed to review.

Since a PWD may forget or write down where it was hidden, I had to turn the place upside down to find them, and this happened repeatedly. Example: Some things hidden at bottom of boxes (I think a cereal box in one case). Rather than ask about "where did you put XYZ?", I eventually chose to remove them for safekeeping, and that led to less frustration for all. You can lock them away, or take them to another place. Fortunately, PWD did accept and remember that I took them. That is not always the case, and those in this community mentioned that some PWD demand them back.

I sense that many PWD may like to fidget & rummage around and try to "organize things" - whether they are keepsakes, photos, etc. Or a desire to throw away "unneeded" things. (some of those things were actually needed)

It's hard to predict what those things may be and where they may appear. On the other hand, some other things are neglected, like some food in the fridge, so you never know.

Suggesting other activities to keep a PWD occupied or distracted is a good idea, as long as it's safe to do. I'm still exploring what such activities are, and which ones will work.

Incidentally, if you don't need access to original documents (maybe you just need an account number), I found that making copies for my reference will be fine. PWD will still have access to the paper originals (but you still may want to ensure they don't get thrown away, or given to strangers).

Some things ought to be removed, like paper checkbooks, even if a PWD is accustomed to, and prefers writing a paper check. Fortunately for me, changing to online billing and automatic payments did not cause much of an argument. You can "fib" and say "they don't send paper bills anymore". Confusing a real invoice with a solicitation for donation is one issue you can avoid this way. Some firms seem to prey on seniors by making solicitations appear like an invoice with a due date, or the making it seem like some official government document. Try to intercept those before they are acted on.

A PWD may claim to do things (pay bills, put things away for "safekeeping") as a way to be helpful and relieve you of the bother, but as you may know, will cause even more problems. So that's another strange behavior: "a desire to be helpful to you" actually causes problems. It's all strange and unpredictable, but the PWD sometimes tries to justify why they are doing some of these things. You can try to discuss it with them, but that eventually will not work and you can't reason with a PWD, so I'd just try to prevent or avoid these things from happening in the first place.

Trying to find some rhyme or reason will eventually lead nowhere for a caregiver. I'd just treat them as unpredictable behavior. I tried to make sense of things in the beginning, but that was just frustrating so I just accept the behavior and try to avoid problems.

It's almost "entertaining" to share stories about strange behavior, but it is frustrating. But it's good to share so we can try to identify or prevent them if or when it happens to your PWD or LO. In retrospect, some of these behaviors were early indicators of things to come.