Where to start
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My father is struggling with dementia and my mom is his caregiver. However, she has been very dependent on dad all of her life, so she is very overwhelmed by all that needs to get done. I live 3 hours away and I am trying to help, but I am so unsure of what to do. My mom is so overwhelmed with the financial side of things that she is really unable to do anything. She worries about where the money will come from to care for dad as well as what will she have to live on if all their money goes toward his care. I honestly do not know how to answer these questions and I do not really even know where to turn for answers. Any suggestions as to where to start? They live in rural Minnesota and it seems like it is hard to get people that can come into the home to help provide care. Any advice is welcome.
Comments
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You start by seeking out an elder care attorney to create POA’s and to begin planning for Medicaid eligibility.
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Welcome to the forum. Marta is correct that you need to start with getting legal and financial affairs in order; certified elder law attorneys can be found at nelf.org. From what you're describing, it's likely that you and not your mom should hold the powers of attorney. Other steps you can take right away are to have yourself added as a signatory on their bank accounts, start paying bills online such that you can handle it remotely, put everything possible on autopay, and have their mail sent to you.
Sounds like you may also want to think about moving them closer to you. That will obviously take more time and consideration, but would make the necessary oversight easier for you. You can have discussions about this with your mom perhaps, but likely not with your dad. It's rare for people with dementia to agree to the necessary life changes voluntarily and is best presented as a done deal.
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Help with my mom she’s been agitated calling out help me a lot
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You may be able set her utility bills up so you could pay them on line for her with access to her banking info. That might help a little.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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