Yall's thoughts or experiences on a move from AL to MC

Sea Jay

My mother moved from an IL community to AL at a completely different facility at the end of September. She showed a steep and rapid decline end of July, beginning of August. No UTI. The week before her move, she wandered for the first (and to this day only) time. That temporarily jeopardized her chance to move to the AL place, as they didn't have any MC rooms available at that time. Ultimately, they agreed to allow her to come, I hired some temporary outside help for overnights and now she's kind of settling in. By that I mean she engages in many of the activities offered and seems to have some level of familiarity and connection with the residents and staff on her floor and enjoys herself. But at the same time, she's in full relocation stress syndrome mode, where she empties her closets and drawers almost daily to be ready to go, tells the other residents it's her last day there and, during the month or so that I was visiting her regularly, there were 4 or 5 days where she called me repeatedly throughout the day, leaving messages each time in which she grew increasingly agitated, asking where I was and that she was ready to go, when was I coming to get her. Per the recommendation from Alz. 24/7 Helpline and the staff at her facility, I stopped coming to visit regularly and try to only talk to her at night before she goes to bed. After a little while she stopped calling but now I know so much less about how she's doing (huge adjustment for me).

All that to say here is my concern/issue: There is now a room available in MC and the facility thinks this would be best for her. I mostly agree but I fear she's not getting enough time to settle in where she is and that perhaps in another few months this seeking to leave phase would end and that she'd then be comfortable, and that another move so soon(though just two floors down), with new residents and new staff will just reset and amplify her confusion.

I imagine she'll need to move to MC eventually, I am just slightly questioning doing it now.

Anyone have a similar experience or insights?

*I'd like to thank you in advance for your response and also share that I'm overwhelmed and don't have much bandwidth for responding to questions, so please accept my gratitude, as the people in this community are generous and amazing, and excuse me if you don't hear back from me.

With love and appreciation.

housefinch

From the information you’ve provided, I’d move her to MC now. I’m sorry, it’s painful to hear that.

Sea Jay

Thank you, housefinch; it's actually helpful to have validation that that's the right move now. And, just had a long conversation with someone from her facility that also assuaged my doubts and fears and reaffirmed that it's better to do it now vs. later. 🙏

lauraleaf23

Sea Jay- I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. I'm right there with you. I too am having a hard time deciding what to do with my mother. She is in AL now, but she has had a sharp decline in the past month. She is completely obsessed with her bodily functions and is agitated regarding wearing pull-ups, not sure of how to even use the potty at times. I found a random cardboard box taped up with one of the used pull-ups in it. She needs step by step cueing as to what to do to for showering, and at times getting dressed/undressed. She is still very aware of the fact that something is wrong with her brain. I want to move her closer to me. I worry that a move to memory care will be a shock to her system- I guess I need to visit some more places to see what they're all about. I've been to 3 so far, and one (Silverado) seemed good. I know if I move her close to me, we should probably make the jump to memory care, but I'm still in some sort of denial that that's where we are.

loveskitties

I know it is difficult to consider moving a LO...regardless of where or cause...for fear of causing a downward progression. Remember, this disease will progress no matter what you decide.

First and foremost considerations should be for the safety and security of the LO. Remember, MC beds (particularly those funded by Medicaid) are few and far between. Don't wait for a dramatic downward change or an emergency situation, because if you do you may find no beds available at any price or only ones which are not your choice. At least get on a waiting list at places you approve.

I had to spend about 48 hrs to try to find a good MC placement for my father (was to be discharged from hospital) all because my mother kept saying "we are not there yet".

Anonymousjpl123

I would move her now. I was on the fence about moving my mom when I did and I’m so glad I did. It’s very painful. This disease is progressive.

In Assistive Living my mom called ALL the time, I constantly worried about crises real and imagined, and was on edge all the time. It took a crisis to move her and I questioned my decision every step of the way: was it time, would she progress further, would being one of the “higher functioning” bring her down?

The best advice I got was from this board: she needs to be where they can care for her on her worst day. It has been so hard and her disease has progressed, but not because she’s in MC. Because she’s in MC, unlike in AL, her struggles are more visible, and as painful as it is, that means she is getting more help. And comfort. Which she is.

I hope this helps.

forbarbara

My MIL was pretty high functioning when she went to MC and spent the first month or two “taking care” of others. She thought she worked there! She liked to complain about management policies.

it’s so hard to believe that was less than a year ago. Her decline has been very steep. But I’m convinced it was better for her to move in when she kinda-sorta knew what she was doing.

Sea Jay

Wow, all of your responses are so validating and helpful. The awful irony of posting my question when I did is that that same night, she fled from the building (got past the night nurse and front desk person without being seen), walked around to the back parking lot to look for her car (which she hasn't owned in two years), slipped and fell, landing on her face and head, suffered a small brain bleed and was transported to a hospital with a trauma unit, where I sit now as I type. She is 'ok'; the brain bleed was small and will resolve on its own, but it's a traumatic brain injury on top of dementia. She's got stitches in her nose, lip and hand, and a huge, deep scrape on her knee. She's super sleepy most of the time, which is good, is uber confused during sundown time, but for the most part has been a really good sport through it all, despite being frustrated and growing impatient. We're waiting to get admitted into an acute rehab facility for a week or so and her Memory Care room will be ready for her in one week. Needless to say, I now have zero reservations about her going into memory care, can't happen soon enough. We've actually talked about it while here and she has said she realizes she needs the extra care.

Such an effing rollercoaster. So heartbreaking.

The very best wishes and infinite luck to all of you and your LOs dealing with this.

housefinch

Oh, no, how awful! I’m so sorry that happened. What a heartbreaking twist of fate. Sending you and your loved one hugs and healing.

Anonymousjpl123

I’m so so sorry. That sounds so stressful and I’m really glad your mom is ok. Thank goodness you had started the process of exploring MC. My mom went to MC from AL after a hospitalization and it was as smooth as I ever could have hoped for.

Here is wishing your mom a restful recovery and you some rest.

forbarbara

That’s a heck of a rollercoaster you’re on! I hope you find a chance to step off and take care of yourself because this is a long ride. Don’t forget to be just as angry and frustrated and hurt as the rest of us - we may be heroes but we’re all pretty banged up!

keep in touch.

M1

So sorry SeaJay that it happened like that. Hope she has an uneventful recovery and transition from this point forward.....