Today Marks 2 Years in Memory Care

Joe C.

Today marks 2 years since I placed my loving wife in memory care and although I know it was the best thing for both of us it is still a painful milestone to acknowledge.

I have been much more fortunate than many here as my DW is happy in MC and has never once asked about home. I believe the transition was easier for her since she no longer recognizes me as her husband or our house as her home. She has declined both physically and cognitively since placement but she still enjoys having a lot of people, both staff and other residents, around to interact with. I have posted in the past that the staff calls her the “dancing queen” as whenever there is music she will start dancing. This afternoon there will be live music entertainment at the MC which they have 3 or 4 days a week. I schedule my visits around the entertainment whenever possible so we can dance together because for me it feels like the last connection we have left.

DW is in early stage 7 and verbal communication is almost no existence and her mobility has significantly declined. For the past 2 years I have tried to keep DW both physically and socially active as possible by taking her for walks around the grounds, out to lunch and to family functions as often as possible but I know these future outings are limited. She no longer understand how to get into a car so it is a challenge taking her out for the day and with winter setting in these activities will certainly be curtailed. I fear that come spring she will no longer be capable of leaving the MC.

As I sit alone this morning in our home it still feels empty, I can see her fingerprints everywhere I looks and I miss her presence.

charley0419

It’s hard for me to accept my DW may be on the path as many others. But I know the reality. What a terrible way to end a life

Windsock

Good morning Joe C,

it must be tough. I cant imagine what you are going through. My DW was diagnosed with MCI 8 years ago. We live at home. She is very much with it except for memory and gets confused by the simplest things. ( sorry Im just going on here about me! Im new to the forum)

I read your story and it makes me fear the future. Ive never talked with ANYONE that has gone before us in this tragic course. I hope to learn more here on this forum. Thanks for sharing

JoseyWales

Wow Joe. 2 years. I think you were one of the first 2 years ago to place your wife when a bunch of us had to place loved ones. I'm happy to hear she is comfortable where she is, and that you can still dance together.

My DH was placed four months after your wife. I completely understand about the house still feeling empty. Everywhere I look are reminders of what he did, or what we did together. When I'm talking to people I still find myself saying things like "where we live" or "our house."

It was really good to hear your update.

M1

It is hard to believe that it's been two years Joe. You've been a few months ahead of me through all of this. These milestones are tough. I'm glad she's relatively content but I know your loneliness.

Beachfan

Dear Joe,

My heart is with you today. Your story is my story; both of us having placed our spouses in MC two years ago, today. I remember the day vividly and yet other times it seems like forever ago. Much like your DW, from day one, my DH was content, well cared for, oblivious to my presence, and although never a dancer, he was “coach” and a favorite among the staff. His progression was slow and steady, but the end, when it came after 17 months, was abrupt and unexpected.

I am blessed to have 7 grandkids within walking distance and with their activities, their friends, their help with chores, there are a lot of good times to lighten my mood. But when I’m alone, yes, the house is empty; his presence is everywhere and I miss him so much. Take care.

toolbeltexpert

Joe my friend i haven't been on as much I am behind you as well in placing, but I sure get the loneliness. Even though i sold and moved home will never be home again. Though i still have hope it could be again in the future. I just returned from Maine the clams aren't as good as Woods. But as soon as I got back the attacks of loneliness, anxiety and depression try to tear me back down. It is a battle. My dw has only left the mc once and the car was the battle. Mobility has declined greatly since then so no outside trips. I am glad you still have your dancing that was one of the most memorable videos I have seen on here and hope they can continue. We've had a case of covid so no activities till next week. My prayers continue for us all as we travel down this chapter of life.

Joydean

I remember when I first started on here you were looking at different places. I’m so glad you two can still dance together! My dh is not very stable and can’t use his walker because he doesn’t know what to do with it. I try to help him but he just can’t grasp the concept.

I pray she remains happy and the “dancing queen “ as long as possible. Prayers for all of us!

Jeff86

Joe —. My heart aches for you. Our DWs have been on parallel paths, with my DW now also in early stage 7, but with the help of wonderful aides I have been able to keep her home. Glad your DW has fared as well and contentedly as she has at the MCF, and that the dance connection has been maintained.

My DW is no longer stable on her feet, and I can imagine a day not too far in the future when she may be bedridden. And similarly, she can no longer understand how to get into the car. And when she was hospitalized this summer for five days, the emptiness in the house was almost palpable. Tbh, it feels empty to me every night, as she is in bed asleep by 7 pm, and not up before 9 the next morning. I am alone and not alone

Every phase is this journey is painful. Wishing you strength and what peace you can find as the journey descends into late stages.