Support Group My Mother & I Can Attend

dlast

My mother is at the early stages of dementia and it is getting more difficult. Is there a support group I can attend with her to teach us both how to cope. When I step in to help further her, she gets very frustrated... and later understands she needs help. She often tells me the doctor's are wrong, so maybe if she learns from others with me, it will help.

M1

Welcome to the forum. A support group will likely help you, but is less likely to benefit your mother since she can't necessarily process what others are experiencing. Her telling you that the doctors are wrong is common, it is anosognosia (Google it), which is inability to perceive the deficits.

Check with memory care centers or Alzheimer's treatment centers near you, or your local Alzheimer's Association chapter may also have a list of local support groups. This forum has proven more helpful to me, there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here.

The hard truth you are grappling with is that you as the caregiver are going to have to adapt because your dear loved one cannot. It's very hard and very sad.

harshedbuzz

@dlast

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for the reason you are here, but very glad you found this place.

I agree with @M1 that you would benefit from a support group (and participating here) but that your mom is unlikely to gain insight into her condition by attending a meeting. Early in the disease process, working and short-term memory tank which means mom can't learn new concepts. Another early loss is executive function which means she wouldn't have the reasoning skills to recognize when dementia is impacting her thoughts/behaviors and apply a strategy that might be taught in such a setting. Further complicating this is anosognosia which is the inability to comprehend the cognitive shift she's had. To put it simply, she doesn't know what she doesn't know.

Often a person will recognize "memory issues" but not the degree to which dementia impacts their ability to be independent. Reminding her will only antagonize her as it will feel like gaslighting. Best to develop work-around like doing things behind her back and using therapeutic lies aka fiblets.

This short article helped me appreciate where my dad was in early and middle stage dementia and react in more positive and effective manner.

Understanding the Dementia Experience (smashwords.com)

HB

harshedbuzz

ETA: Some communities offer Memory Cafes which as more of a social program to get caregivers and their PWD out in a prosocial and safe space. Often these function as a support group where caregivers chat while the PWD have an activity.

HB