Thinking someone is 2 different people

Anonymousjpl123

So my mom has been doing this thing. It started with her granddaughter (who she is very close with) and now me.

Over a year ago she began thinking there were two Mayas (her granddaughter) - one older, one young. I figured it was because she remembers Maya as very young and now she’s a young woman. She would regularly ask “is the other M coming?” And it got very confusing.

Now it’s starting with me. About 2 weeks ago she snapped at me for an hour for being 10 minutes late and I got mad (I know I shouldn’t, it happens very rarely lol). The next day she said “I’m so glad you’re here and not the other A.” I asked who is the other A is and she said “she looks like you, sounds like you, but is nothing like you. She’s rude, late, and inconsiderate.” I said she sounded like a real pill.

Now it’s more frequent. Sometimes this A is my sister. Often it’s another person who is like me but not me. Example: yesterday I said I had a lot of work to do and she said “you know who’s like that about work but even more so? A.” Getting in the car she said “is A in the car is too? Or just us?”

When I say there’s only one A (me) she says no there are two.

How should I respond? Correct her? Don’t? What’s right in this situation?

Jeanne C.

I would let it go. You can't really reason with her or convince her otherwise. My husband used to do this, but eventually stopped. It does no harm and I think, in a way, it helps them deal with negative feelings about something we did without staying mad at us. I actually used it to my benefit a time or two, saying, "that must have been the other Jeannie" - LOL.

Anonymousjpl123

Good advice! I think I’m having a hard time letting go of the idea she will realize she’s off and snap back into reality.

ButterflyWings

When that's their reality we just need to let it go. DH also saw me as 2 different people a few times. It broke my heart the first time since it was when he began obviously not knowing who I was. I wanted to cry, but just felt a deeper numbness. No tears for 2 years after the sobering diagnosis.

But Jeanne's right, there can be a silver lining: when DH would get mad at me or the few times when I lost my composure with him, I could leave the room briefly and on return he'd be super glad to see me, telling me about the other lady and what a pain she was. I always told him she left; I'd sent her on her way 😉

GothicGremlin

I'm with the others - I'd just let it slide on by.

My sister does a similar thing - it's been happening for about a month now. I'll be sitting talking with her in memory care, and she'll talk to me, but then she'll talk to a photo of me that's hanging on the wall. It's like there are two of me at the same time, although the one in the photo is about 20, whereas the current me is 60+ years old. She seems okay with this. I don't ever bring it up.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

My mother has done this but usually only after a trying event and I left the room and came back after calming down. Though she might have done it more often than I realize because I'm a twin and both of us are her primary caregivers. There literally was two!

It might be unnerving but try to use it to your advantage if it'll keep your mom calm. Usually a fiblet will help for cases like in the car like "oh she told us it was okay to go on without her" or whatever will help mom handle the situation at her own pace.

Kibbee

My DH knows me but he has occasionally asked “Where is the other K?”, so in those moments he thinks there are two of us. I generally just go along with it, will say something like “Oh she had to go to the grocery store.” and he’s been content with that. Once I asked him what K#2 was like. Lucky for me he liked her and gave a good report. Hopefully he thinks the same about K#1.