Feeling Overwhelmed

nmrudd68

My DH was diagnosed last year with early onset Alzheimer's. Two weeks ago he lost his job. The sadness, fear and anger I feel is literally overwhelming. I feel like I'm drowning. Any tips to help with this drowning feeling?

charley0419

My I ask DH age?!

Denise1847

I am so sorry you are needing to be here but you have come to the right place. We have all felt overwhelmed and it is frightening. Your feelings are normal for what you are experiencing. Here are some suggestions: Get counseling from someone who is familiar with alzheimer's. It will help you process what is happening. Go to a CLEA (elder attorney) to get a DPOA (durable power of attorney) and help with financial advice for possible medical assistance, filing for SS disability for your DH. Get educated about the disease (You Tube: Teepa Snow) and the book "the 36 hour day." After you have done these things, it will help you as you currently fear the unknown. Yes, you are angry, but be angry about the disease, not your DH as he is the victim of this disease (you are also one in a way). One thing I learned was that my anger, sadness and fear were a result of grief (of the life I thought we would have, the husband I am losing) and the fear of the unknown. Keep checking in and asking questions. We are here for you.

LJCHR

I can certainly agree with Denise1847. The fear of the unknown is overwhelming. It took me over a year to accept the diagnosis - but it is still horrible. We are both retired so I don’t have the worry of a job. Stay in contact with this forum as it is a safe place to share your feelings. I find that a lot of people are scared to talk about Alzheimer’s, there’s such a stigma tied to it. You will find good advice here from experienced people-we all walk in the same shoes.

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Jgirl57

Welcome; I remember those soul crushing feelings of panic, overwhelmed, like a 50 lb weight was sitting on my chest. It truly is one moment and one step at a time to develop your basic plan of coping. I talked to my physician and she recommended an anxiety medicine for me so I could better deal with what I knew needed to be done and to develop a tougher skin due to the things that my HWD/Alz was saying and doing. Now with each new progression it is a gut punch. Breathing exercises helped me tremendously . Keep reading here for resources and help

ButterflyWings

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/188716#Comment_188716

I agree with Victoria. Consult a CELA and get an employment lawyer involved asap. Many PWDs (like my DH) have anosognosia and literally cannot perceive that they are impaired in any way. Even with multiple fails and a diagnosis. So, my DH would not have been able to analyze his performance and situation, then strategize to go on leave before being terminated. HR and employers protect themselves, not him -- and that is devastating for you all, even if you have other financial means.

The main thing my LOs' doc made clear to me on delivering the diagnosis was "you're in charge now". They said it with such seriousness, I realized life had just changed completely. Effective immediately. Yes, enough to cause panic attacks, anxiety, confusion for me (that made 2 of us, as my Alz DH was often confused but didn't even know it). You can get through this, one step at a time. Just try to keep breathing, and definitely trust the good information you receive from forum mates. We have been there, done that, and if our experiences can help anyone else that is a win.

Ernie123

All the advice above plus join an Alzheimer’s support group if you can. Belonging to a support group supervised by the local Alzheimer’s Society for the last seven years has been my main source of emotional support. My wife, 12 years since diagnosis, is now in LTC, incontinent, wheelchair, no cognition. Now that I have moved through all the years of caregiving and stages of disease progression I find I can offer advice and support to new members that show up. One of the most common topics is how and when the make the decision to move a LO to care. Our group has shepherded many individuals through this most difficult of transitions. I can’t explain why, but sitting and discussing these issues with a group who all “ get it” is a big support. You cannot deal with this on your own.

M1

Agree with all of the above. Employment lawyer can also help you apply for disability/SSDI for him...approval should not be difficult, and it will make him eligible for Medicare coverage for health insurance within a short timeframe as well, which is not perfect but should help a lot.

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