At what point in AD sre Adult Dry Services no longer appropriate?

Brokenhearted in Illinois

My DH was going to a wonderful day care two days a week. He really enjoyed going and enjoyed all the

activities and being around other people. He was going ther for about 5 months when he became mean and very grouchy. The ADS basically asked that he not return until he is medicated. Of course checked for UTI. Maybe he at the stage where he id beyond the hrlp adult day care? I guess the next step is?….

has this happened to anyone snd what did you do ? I was planning on returning to work part time

gampiano

Hello,

Yes, it happened to me. We had a few good months in a day program, 2 days a week, like you. My husband then became very resistant and uncooperative, and I took him out of the program. I was able to work from home part time, but had no respite. Finally i hired someone to be with him a few hours a week so that I could get out of the house. He was content to be at home or out with me for the next year or so. When he became nasty and uncooperative Dr. put him on Seraquel, and that helped.

Sending you strength,

Maureen

M1

The next step is talking to his docs about medications to help him, just as they told you. Seroquel and risperidone are both frequently prescribed in this setting. I would definitely consider that before you abandon something that has worked for both of you.

tigersmom

I would also encourage you to try medication before giving up. My DH started day care one day a week in February. In March, he had one day where his speech became aggressive (not his behavior) and we started him on a very low dose of citalopram, the generic version of the antidepressant Celexa. He had tremendous separation anxiety, and this drug helped. In June I added a second day at day care. We have had to increase the dose a few times, but at 15 mg, it is still pretty small. He has tolerated the drug fine. Lately, the wheels have come off the bus a little. He continues to ask repeatedly when I am coming to pick him up. There have also been changes at the program. There is a new director, and a new activities director he seems to have issues with. I have a conversation coming up with the director about all this. I don't know how much longer it is going to last for us, but I have really appreciated the respite it gives me and I think it has been really good for him. Not looking forward to the day that it stops working, which I think might not be far away.

MN Chickadee

I would encourage you to speak to his doc about meds. The activity and stimulation the program provides for him and the respite for you is no small thing. Medication may help you be able to carry on longer than you otherwise would with him at home and make quality of life better for both of you. Most PWD need to be on some type of mood altering med eventually, it's a very common issue and for some meds are very effective.

ThisLife

The thing I have found difficult is going through all the gyrations of getting something that works - care person, setting, meds, etc. Everything is in place, and you feel like you can breathe again. This maybe lasts a few months at best. And we're back to square one. As they say, rinse and repeat. For how many years? No one knows. So, finding what works becomes an exercise in waiting for the other shoe to drop. Exhausting.

gampiano

This Life,

You are so right ! And each time we have to make a new plan, we are losing more of our loved one and ourselves. My breaking point came when I realized that my husband could no longer be a passenger in the car . This made it impossible for me to leave the house for any reason. It was stifling, to say the least.

It is really important to have someone coming in even for a few hours so that we caregivers can get relief. That would be the one thing that I would say is crucial for our mental and physical health. Even with help, we are being depleted. When my husband died (last month) I gave in to the exhaustion and slept like a rock for long stretches. It was a blessing that the final stage was so fast. I wish that for all of us.

Brokenhearted in Illinois

Thanks to all for your advice snd experience. I am figuring this out as we go along. As soon as you think you have got things under control, something happens that is major. In addition to the major personality change this quarter , he can now barely walk.! Well that affects all of our plans for the Holidays and day to day living. I have to now find a wheelchair etc. The only way for me to live is for DH to be in an MC.

gampiano

hello,

It sounds to me like your husband is in a new stage for sure. This describes my DH about 6 months ago. Have you thought of contacting hospice for an evaluation? There is a lot of help available if he qualifies, and it looks like he might.