An observation

Jeanne C.

I think it's very interesting the things my husband hangs onto versus the things he has forgotten. Some things that I thought would be muscle memory are gone, such as which direction to turn a faucet. But other things seem to stick, such as speaking in a gentle voice to animals. One really surprised me today. I was listening to some 90s hip hop (don't judge - I was just in the mood for 2pac). A rather explicit song came on and my husband jolted at the use of a certain word and said "we should never say that." I was shocked that he had such a visceral reaction.

I'm curious if your loved one still does/says/remembers things that you would think they would have forgotten.

JDancer

My DH can still do Soduku. He used to be a wiz at crosswords. He always finished the Sunday NYT puzzle, so he would challenge himself to do it faster. Now he can't do more than a word or two on the easy Monday puzzles, but finishes the Soduku daily.

SDianeL

yes. Some things he remembers and others not. No rhyme or reason.

GothicGremlin

Hey @Jeanne C. - no judging from me! I like 90's hip hop too. (I'm a musical omnivore)

But yeah, Peggy does things that I would have thought she'd have forgotten too. She will always say thank you when someone does something for her.

She was always great about going to the doctor/dentist. Even now if I say something about vaccinations, she's on it. She still actively wants to go to the dentist, and she knows how to behave when she gets there.

Then, like you say, some things are just gone. She used to be glued to her phone, absolutely glued to it, now she's thoroughly confused by a phone.

harshedbuzz

@Jeanne C.

The moderator of a support group I attended once shared the Retrogression Theory of Dementia where the disease reverses normal human development. In some ways, watching dad 's dementia progress was like rewinding a tape. It was as if skills were lost LIFO-- in the reverse order that he learned them. My dad had always been a difficult person. He clearly had an undiagnosed mental illness; his geripsych felt he was probably bi-polar. As he progressed to the end stages of dementia, the symptoms faded. His old aunties always raved about what a sweet little boy he'd been until adolescence which would be consistent with typical bi-polar onset. In the last weeks of dad's life, he became wonderfully sweet natured and nothing like the person I knew.

If you think about your DH in terms of a that theory, what you are describing makes sense. If you think about a young child, they're not fully independent in bathing/showering until about first grade. Until that time, a parent or older sib generally sets the temperature still even if the kid can handle the rest. Thinking about my son, some of his first speech was directed to his feline brothers. Buy 6 months he was baby-talking to the cats in the same way I did.

The other thought is that the ability to read the emotions of others remains well into the disease progression. Even if a PWD can't comprehend what you're saying to them, they can accurately parse your mood much like a young baby. This is why it's so important for a spousal caregiver to project an aura of warmth and calm even when this disease has left them devastated.

HB

@JDancer

That's interesting. Many times here, I've shared the tale of cleaning out my auntie's stash of NYT crosswords. She had a 12' closet stacked floor to ceiling with sacks filled with puzzles with more under her queen-sized bed. The older ones were mostly done completely and correctly it seemed, but as time progressed things went sideways. Some bags had puzzles started, some filled with random words, some had the puzzle cut out but not started and the ones on the top were just cut out grids- no clues.

Jeanne C.

@GothicGremlin "musical omnivore" - I love it. Totally stealing the term. I have a feeling you and I would be friends in another life. One of the things I miss the most is going to concerts. My husband and I both loved live music. We still go to small local things around town, but it's not the same as the feeling of a club or other venue with a band we love. We still listen to music everyday and find time to dance in the kitchen.

@harshedbuzz thanks for sharing that. I've just added a few pubmed articles on the subject to my reading list. @GG06 and I were at lunch last week and we were talking about how it sometimes feels like we have a kid. I guess there's a reason for that. I've also been looking at the effects of impairment in different parts of the brain, curious about where the damage is depending on the symptoms or behaviors.

@JDancer so cool that he still does sudoku (and the Sunday puzzle is a bear!) and @SDianeL yes, it seems random sometimes.

GothicGremlin

@Jeanne C.

I have a feeling you and I would be friends in another life.

Could be. Us musical omnivores tend to flock together. 🙂

Dementia has really clipped my wings for so many things, making new friends, traveling (especially out of the country), and more. It's getting so I can barely remember a time before dementia. I think the last live show I saw was in 2019 (my favorite goth-synth band, Covenant), while Peggy was still late stage 4-early stage 5).

I truly believe that music cures a lot of ills. Like you, I listen to music every day. If I've been to memory care to see Peggy and listen to a lot of '80s music, coming home to listen to some goth/industrial makes me feel more like myself again. If things are really bad at memory care, Gregorian chants are relaxing.

I'm glad you and your husband dance in the kitchen! It probably feels great for both of you.