Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and isolated

crminis

Hi, I care for my mother who was diagnosed with early onset dementia about 9 years ago. She has done really well and I am truly blessed with how well she does. Since April of this year, I’ve taken to being her caregiver and was able to leave my job to care for her full time. As I said she does do well, but I can tell her memory is slowly slipping especially in the last year. She fell at the end of last year and cracked her leg. Thankfully she didn’t have to go through surgery but she now walks with a cane and does not drive anymore. She still knows me and my brother, but I know her sleep is getting more disrupted though she does have sleep apnea. Some days she is so tired. I fix her meals, though she can do very basic ones. I support her emotionally, especially when she is feeling down or confused. If a disagreement comes up with someone in the family I support her and help her work through her emotions. It’s hard because some days I really have to ask her questions to have her communicate with me. I am feeling so overwhelmed and tired by having to support her and our home. I do live with her. My brother and his family, who are closest to us offer no support. They try in small ways, but a lot of times they just add more pressure. I have tried going out and doing things for myself, but I feel guilty or it only lasts for a time. I’m trying to build up relationships but I’m finding it hard to connect with people or they overload me with their problems. I’m just so stressed out, I’m not finding much joy even in things I used to. I love my mother so much, but am just feeling so tired of caring everything on my shoulders, I feel like I’m going in circles. I want to be able to continue to care for her and will, but fear that if I don’t figure this out it will get worse. I am seeing a counselor and my primary care regularly but I don’t feel it’s helping all that much. How do you come out of all of this where when one thing goes wrong it doesn’t send you down an emotional spiral? Thank you for taking the time to read this, and respond.

SusanB-dil

Hi crminis - welcome to 'here' but sorry for the reason. It really sounds like caregiver burnout. None of this is easy.

A lot of folks on the forum here have either no help from family, or there are well-meaning folks who actually create more work and/or pressures. (Sometimes not so well-meaning, either). So yeah, unfortunately, not unusual.

Would you look into an adult daycare for maybe a day or even a few days a week? Or at least some extra help... so that you can get out and get away from the responsibility for at least a little while.

crminis

Thank you for the response I am looking into that. I just found a local chapter for other caregivers in my area and was thinking of contacting them and seeing what resources they know of. I know I need to figure something out for both her and I so we can both be better.

Jeanne C.

Hi and welcome. I second the adult daycare suggestion. It gives my husband some socialization and for a while was my only break. I also suggest using us to vent, talk to, and ask questions. This forum honestly makes me feel better. I have some family members who help and a few friends who make an effort to come around, but this group gets it, you know? And even though it might make you feel guilty, force yourself to do something kind for yourself. Treat it like it's part of caregiving, because taking care of yourself makes you a better caregiver for your mom.