Grief is so heavy but it lets me carry you...

SDianeL

I’m leaving you here. For one night I want to forget. And maybe smile.

Grief: You can’t leave me behind.

I’m tired. You are heavy. Sometimes you are just too much to bear.

Grief: I am a part of you now.

I can shut the door. Forget you for a few hours.

Grief. That is not how this works. I will always catch up to you.

Why are you doing this to me? It’s not fair. You are much too dark to take everywhere I go.

Grief: Maybe we need another way to think about this.

How would there be any other way?

Grief: Well..for starters, I am only here because of love.

No. You are here because my loved one died.

Grief: But you still feel love.

Always.

Grief: You just renamed me. That is why I am here. I am Love always. You can’t just leave me. I’m a part of you.

But it hurts so much. No more phone calls. Hugs... Plans. Empty chairs. Holidays… I can’t take this pain.

Grief. Running from me only makes it harder for you. Sit with me. I am only the love you still have to give. So feel it. Give some of it to yourself. Carry me with you. Picture me as only love and light.

So why have I been so afraid of you?

Grief. Because reality is hard to accept. This is the hardest thing to do. It takes time to get used to me. But I am here to help you remember.

I just want to be over this.

Grief: The pain you feel when a memory crosses your mind will someday make you smile. It’s because the longer you carry me with you…the wonderful memories will stay with you too.

So instead of carrying grief…I can think of it as carrying my love?

Grief: light a candle within me. Love isn’t dark. I’m only light. I remain because all your love your person still remains in you. I am love you wish to still give. I cannot be left behind. I carry on with you until the day you reunite.

So hold that light in your hand. And carry that love with you. To the very last of days.

mommyandme (m&m)

Thank you for your post. It’s almost been a year since my mom passed. It feels like these last months of the year (the holidays) are entrenched in the loss. The memories of sitting vigil with my mom in her quiet living room surrounded by the glow of Christmas lights and music are flooding my thoughts. Just this morning, our hospice nurse reached out to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. Through text we talked about a few things and she sent me these appreciated words of wisdom, which I think harmonize with yours:

“Just remember all the good things she loved about all the holidays, you won’t be able to avoid the grief but try to embrace it. Grief is just all the love you still have but have no where for it to go. Remember her and what she loved about the holidays!”

Grief is simply love for our LOs! I can work with that. Thanks again!