Toileting *TMI*

ZarkinFrood

Hello everyone, my name is Claire, and I’m taking care of my mother who has early onset Alzheimer’s. She’s been diagnosed for almost 4 years now, showing symptoms for about 6-7, and has been living with me for the past 2 years so that I can care for her.

I’ve been trying to put off placing her in a MCF for as long as possible, but she has been declining so rapidly, and we had a toileting event yesterday that has really shaken me.

My mother has her own room which she shares with her dog, and two nights ago, I went through her entire nighttime routine (medicine, changing clothes, toileting, hygiene, etc.) and then went to put my 3 year old down to bed. We have an indoor ring camera that monitors the hallway connecting all of our rooms and her bathroom, so I can get an alert if she gets up to use the bathroom at night.

*Of course*, this time it didn’t send the notification to my phone, but an hour after I had gotten her ready for bed, she ended up taking her clothes off, pooping inside her room, using her hands and clothes to try to “clean” it up, and ended up putting the ummm… solids… inside her dogs full water bowl…

I woke up the next morning, checked the camera footage, and saw she had come into the hall one time and wasn’t wearing her clothes at that time, so immediately got up and knew what I would find, just not the extent of it.

After getting her thoroughly showered and the room cleaned as best I could, I’m still feeling really shaken? This is the first instance of her toileting outside the bathroom, and I feel like it was a real doozy?? Does anyone have any advice on things I might do to avoid or at least stave off this behavior going forward?

So far, I have waterproof mattress protectors on her bed, and we’re going to switch out the carpet in her room for something more easily cleaned asap, but I’m skeptical about using adult diapers since she took her clothes off to do her business… should we try them anyway??

Sorry for the long post, thank you for sticking it out this long, any advice or comfort is extremely appreciated!

harshedbuzz

@ZarkinFrood

I am sorry. That must've been so upsetting for you.

If this is a bolt-from-the-blue change in behaviors, you might want to have her checked for a UTI. They can wreck havoc on the ability of a PWD to function at their current baseline.

That said, this isn't an unheard of issue. You will probably need to actively monitor in the bathroom to make sure she's using it properly and washing her hands. Some folks find it helpful to put their LO in an incontinence product and a one-piece back zip sleep suit. Buck and Buck sells these and daytime outfit to prevent removing clothes or accessing a her undies.

For nighttime, a motion detection mat might be a good idea. During the day, a toileting schedule might help. Typically folks do every 2 hours for urine and 20-30 minutes after a meal for bowel movements.

HB

M1

Hi claire. Incontinence issues are frequently the tipping point for needing facility care, so don't feel bad if that is the case for you too. Your three year old deserves your attention and i imagine it's hard to care for both ends of the age spectrum. Agree that you probably need a bed alarm that doesn't go to the phone, but that risks waking up the rest of the household too.

QuietRock

Hi Claire, I’m so sorry you had this experience with your mom. I have had the same experience with my mom too. The first time it happened she kept asking what it was I was cleaning up after I showered her. It’s so hard, because of course you want to prevent it from happening again, but at the same time she’s not doing it on purpose. Unfortunately, I don’t know how you can prevent it from happening. My mom was wearing a diaper every time it happened with her. It was the tipping point to have her go to memory care. It was the hardest decision my brother and I had ever made, but it really was the best decisions for us. I have three children and a husband who I was neglecting and I know my mom would not have wanted me to be overwhelmed with her care. She was in memory care for a couple of years before we moved her to a personal care home that had around 20 residents of varying abilities… Down syndrome, MS, elderly, etc. She was actually the only resident that had Alzheimer’s, but the residents and caregivers (nurses, aides, hospice) took care of each other and it felt more like a family. My mom was there for 7 months before she passed and it was a blessing that she was so loved by everyone there. I still go visit! I hope you find the right solution for your mom and your family. I know it’s not easy. You sound like an amazing daughter, hang in there.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

That is very understandable that you're shaken up over the toileting accident. I do highly recommend the inconvenience briefs, once we switched mom over to them from regular underwear, it made things a whole lot easier.

As for the undressing part, I have read that doing that is fairly common in PWD. As HB said, they make outfits that prevents or at least minimizes the chance of the person undressing in less than ideal situations. Also getting a routine for toileting if you've not started one yet helps get familiar with when she needs to go. We used to do the two hours and after meals cycle but mom's intake has reduced significantly so we've adjusted the times accordingly.

About the ring camera, is that via Internet? That might be why it failed to alert you that time.