So tired of this

Saya_G

I am having trouble caring any longer. I have two LOs with dementia. Both are is assisted living (together). One is my mother. I’m okay with her. She’s sweet and easy to care for.

The bigger issue for me is my sister. She’s a complainer, always has been. I do feel for her, but I never expected or wanted to be her caregiver. She’s not a bad person, she just wears on me. She promised our father that she’d take care of our mother, she moved across country to be with our mother. She moved here ( I live in same area as our mother), much earlier than she was needed. At the time, our mother was fine on her own; hadn’t even been diagnosed with dementia yet!

Sis complained from the beginning. Said things like “I not her maid!”, or “I didn’t sign up for this shit!” All the while living free off of me and our mother! I didn’t mind, until her “sacrifices” became my problems! Instead of taking care of my mother - I ended up taking care of both of them!

Sis was 24/7 with our mother, but I was the one that cleaned, took both of the to their doctor appointments, counted out their meds, gave our mother her showers, etc. At one point our mother messed in her pants, it leaked out on to the carpet in her bedroom, my sister covered it with a towel, then left it for me to clean up the next day - she told me “I don’t clean up shit!”By the time I got there our mother had walked thru it with her walker several times.

As life would have it, both now have dementia (it’s been near 10 years since she moved here). And sis continues to be a complainer!

Honestly sis has not had it easy in love or other relationships. Her only child has not talked with her in near 15 years!

Sis broke her hip two years ago (the original reason she moved to assisted living). Then three months ago she broke BOTH of her legs (she’s a cancer survivor - she had lots of radiation to kill the cancer. Radiation is hard on bones).

Doctor has ordered her to be non-weight baring - it’s been 3 months! She can’t stand up even long enough to transition from wheelchair to toilet! She’s not incontinent, but now has to wear depends until the doctor allows her to be at least a little bit weight baring. She can’t be transported by car, only medical van or an ambulance - so she hasn’t been out of the facility for even a short trip or visit. I truly can’t imagine her frustration.

For the record, I do care about her, I love her. I am just fed up with her complaining! I’m having a hard time being compassionate. I just want to scream!

Yes, she had a lot on her plate! Having dementia on top of it doesn’t help! But she’s been complaining for sooooooo long (well before she had a reason to)! WITH NO END IN SIGHT!

i’m almost 70 years old! I want some peace in my life! I know she has it bad, life’s not been fair to her! But the negativity is killing me!

I know there are no answers! She is who she is, but I just want to quit being the one that has to deal with it!

thanks for listening.

JeriLynn66

I’m sorry things are so hard. Perhaps would a Counselor help with coping skills for you and your peace of mind? Sadly, it isn’t likely Sister will change, but maybe you can build defenses against the negativity? Wishing you well..

Marp

I'm so sorry, Saya.

I have similar situation in that I am taking care of my sister, who is a bit like your sister, only maybe not as bad. My sister would at least clean up the poop.

I think the mental health counseling might be a good idea for you. It won't change your sister, but you may learn some coping skills.