How to get MIL to accept in home care?

DesperateDIL

My MIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year. She has always run everything for the family, and has a very strong personality, so it is extremely difficult to get her to accept any help. She is on several medications, but frequently has fits of rage. She also has been the main caregiver for my wheel-chair-bound FIL. He was recently diagnosed with heart failure though and needs in home healthcare, which we also hope will provide care for her (helping her remember to take medication, etc) and serve as a buffer between her and my FIL who cannot handle the stress of her agitation. She is hostile to the home healthcare workers though and angry at the entire family for making this happen. What are some strategies we can employ to we get her to embrace the help that she so desperately needs?

M1

Have you discussed her rage with her docs? There may be medication changes or tweaks that might help.

Sometimes it works to tell the PWD that the health worker needs the job, or that it's for her husband-which appears to be true in this case. You need to be careful about asking the worker to provide care for her if he/she is being paid to care for your dad-this can be tricky and can cause billing and insurance issues.

It might help you to learn about anosognosia, it's a common feature of dementia that prevents the person from perceiving their deficits. She may well have it and truly thinks she's fine (much more than denial).

Sounds very difficult and im sorry you're faced with caring for both of them. She obviously is not capable of being the primary caregiver for your dad or vice versa.

jfkoc

Please do not tell her she needs help!

jfkoc