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Vranky

harshedbuzz

I didn't want to read and not respond.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation which is rather more dire than most of us are managing. I suggest you reach out on the 800 number and ask to speak to a specially trained "Care Consultant" who may have some ideas on next steps for you.

HB

SusanB-dil

Oh, my - agreeing with HB, do call the alz line for care-consultant.

Not sure about calling for a wellfare check or speak to the social services person?

I would say not good to risk kidnapping. That would put you in a bad situation and you really wouldn't be able to help any further if you ended up with those charges.

Anonymousjpl123

I would say without guardianship, and a directive from your brother, there isn’t much you can do. I know it’s sad and aggravating and stressful. I hope the sister she is staying with can be helpful too. You can’t fix this situation alone; but you do have support. I called the hotline line 3 times while I was getting my mom set up. They are trained staff and know what they are talking about. Please let us know how it goes.

Anonymousjpl123

I wish you the best of luck, and really hope that your family can come together and make some decisions that are better for your mom, and you. I am sending you all my very best wishes for a better resolution.

CatsWithHandsAreTrouble

I am so sorry this is going on to your family. What a terrible situation. Keep trying to advocate for your mom.

Are you close with any other family member of your step father that you can get in board to improve their living conditions? Your step father might listen to one of his side of the family.

Sometimes other people on this forum have run into hostile family members that prevent care for the PWD. They frequently say to make a "plan B" and get it ready to enact once things get to a point that you're able to bypass the hostile person's hold on the situation.

Maybe you can call the police (non emergency line perhaps) and notify them of every grievance as it happens if you're still able to see your mom's living situation. That might prompt the family to make some changes.

Hugs to you

GemsWinner12

I'm so sorry that you were put in this situation. I had something similar going on with my dad two states away and dropped my life to try and step in and help because it was getting out of hand with caregivers stealing from him and writing out checks to themselves. It was nuts. The state was pushing me to take my dad to court for guardianship, which I refused to do. Read carefully what your obligations would be and it's not an easy or cheap task. You probably won't be able to manage that and a full time job. What would have happened since he refused to sign over POA to me (his only relative) is that a case manager from APS /adult protective services/ would have been assigned to him and would have had to report to the court at least twice a year without any financial compensation. They called me relentlessly trying to get me to do this, which I refused. They couldn't make me and they can't force you to do it either.

My dad wound up checking himself out of his last hospital stay against medical advice and then when he got home he freaked out because no one was there to take care of him. He called the police who called me; I said put my dad on the phone. I said look I will drive down there but you better sign a will, a POA, and a quit claim so that I can sell your house for you and then you will go into a facility where you will receive 24/7 care because no one in this whole town will agree to come to your house anymore because you have called the police on them all and you were hallucinating and you've made a wreck of your house. If I get there and you don't sign I will turn around and drive the eleven hours back home and that will be it. I'm no expert by any means, but I suspect he is a narcissist and he did take off and leave when I was four years old and only came around or called when he wanted or needed something from me. In retrospect, I'm sorry that I ever agreed to be his POA because he has been an ungrateful, angry, nasty person to me . He has convenient memory loss so I can't really tell if it's dementia, paranoia, or a mixture.

How has your situation turned out? Please update because while a lot of people posting here had/have loving relationships with family/parents, that is not always the case. Every situation is unique.

SusanB-dil

Thank you for the update. It sounds like things are moving toward a better place for you and your mom.

'this' is all so stressful enough without everything you've been going through and putting up with.