How do we transfer between facilities, if needed?

LittleVolcano

My mom (advanced dementia) is currently in a small nearby board and care (been there three months), and I'm not sure my Dad and I are happy with the care she's been given. However, the family who owns this location also has another location where there are two other staff members that are really good with Mom (they often visit the location Mom is in, but are at the other location full-time).

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd transfer Mom to the other location with the more patient, sensitive staff. However, how would we even approach doing this in real life? The place is family run (almost all the staff are related to each other and the owner), so if we tell the owner that we would prefer the other facility and staff, don't we run the danger of the owner telling Mom's current staff and then Mom possibly getting inadequate care (due to resentment) until she's transferred?

Dad has talked to Mom's current main staff member multiple times about issues he's had with how she cares for Mom (poor or mis- communication about Mom's status, impatient feeding, plus some other questionable things), but things keep coming up and we're getting tired of it.

M1

Very touchy. Are there any options you would consider that are operated by a different owner? That might be an easier transition. I changed memory care facilities after a year and got a lot of unwanted pushback from the facility I was leaving, but it was absolutely the right decision. She has been much happier since the move.

MN Chickadee

Are the homes very far apart? Perhaps you could just say you want her in a facility closer to you or Dador your work or whatever. We used proximity as the reason we moved mom from her first facility to her second (they were a half hour apart.) My mom was mid stage 6 when we moved her due to the care and activities going downhill at the first place. While it was a big pain in the you know what to put the move together, it was totally worth it. Having her in the right setting again was so good for all of us, and while she was only there like 8 months before she died it was definitely worth all the hassle and gave me piece of mind after she passed that I had done everything I could for her. I might look outside this group and find a different company or location if this doesn't work out.

BassetHoundAnn

Two thoughts. Remember that this is a business. Though these people may care they are not your family. You should make your decision regardless of how they might feel and what they might think. Tell them you want to move your mom because the other location is more convenient for your family, and leave it at that.

It's been my experience that family with loved ones in memory care are frequently moving their loved ones. To different care facilities. To different halls and rooms in the same care facility. The people who run care facilities never ask the reason for the move. It is a business. They are used to families frequently moving loved ones.

LittleVolcano

Great input everyone!!!

In good news, our most recent issue was actually a misunderstanding due to a language barrier, so that was our bad for assuming shenanigans. And during a visit just today, the caregiver in question was quite a bit more patient when feeding Mom, so maybe what my Dad said to her sunk in (I also thanked a different caregiver for her patience with Mom—and I was within earshot of the other caregiver, and maybe she happened to hear), so maybe things are looking up (and I thanked her before I left for being so good with Mom as a reinforcer for the kind of treatment we expect). Maybe this caregiver was just having a bad day or rushed or something. I know that my Mom was a challenging resident when she first arrived, but she's progressively gotten calmer and more content/happy lately, which is obviously the main goal.

But still, these are all excellent suggestions should things change. Thank you!!!