and so it begins. . .

ghphotog

My DW is wetting the bed and her clothes nightly now. Have absorbent pads down under the fitted sheet but I have to change her clothes and the bedsheets every morning now. She gets hysterical, screaming and yelling at me to leave her alone but the hysterics are every morning for the last year or two now anyway. She's usually very cooperative and contrite when I need to change her as she knows she's wet or soiled but now I also have deal with hysterics getting her changed.

PS, she does have a UTI and is on antibiotics so the UTI could be making things worse I understand.

She won't wear Depends, more hysterics, but somehow I need to get her to wear them at night.

gampiano

Hello,

I am so sorry you are both in this difficult situation. My suggestion, (and you may have already tried this) is to have a female caregiver come in to help your wife at bed time. She may be able to get her into a depend for the night. You will still have plenty of laundry to do, but it will be a more manageable situation.

Been there,

Maureen

Dio

So sorry you're going through this. But supposedly this is a common behavior. I've had to fight tooth and nail to get DH changed until it started to get physical. It was pretty much the last straw. I had to place him. Even in MCF, he's still combative whenever staff needs to change him. Staff will leave him alone, then return to try again. It's a little better now with added meds, but he still resists being changed although less combative. It must be so hard for them, being trapped in this disease. I hope her doctor can prescribe the right [combination of] meds to help calm her.

White Crane

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and to your dear wife. I know you have absorbent pads under the fitted sheet but a mattress protector would help also. I have one that encases the entire mattress. You can also put several sets of sheets on the bed with absorbent pads in between. This might make things a little easier. I haven’t had to do this yet as my husband only wet himself occasionally but I’m prepared for when it does.

Howaboutnow

Sounds like she recognizes the difference between depends and underwear? One day after a shower i used depends on my DH and he didn’t say a word. I didn’t say they were different or special. A few days later he said “i hate these things”…but never refused and he never spoke of them again. It could be worth trying to swap out hers?

An OT suggested i lay a puppy pee-pad on top of the fitted sheet, and underneath as it becomes necessary. I also have the water-proof mattress pad cover.

The combativeness part is so hard. I’m sorry, I get that too.

Do you think she might qualify for hospice? I’m sorry if that has already been discussed by you and I’ve missed it. But if so, you would get in-home bathing help a couple times a week. Which could help a lot-in keeping her clean and without you always needing to be the “bad guy” every time.

harshedbuzz

Sometimes it helps to remove all her regular panties and replace with the fanciest looking Depends in the store and use them fulltime so they become her new normal. My aunt successfully introduced them to her sister as disposable panties to save on laundry. If the disposables remain a problem, there are washable incontinence panties that might help for a time.

Behavior is communication. If she is acting out when you attempt hygiene care, medication to calm her might be a godsend for you both. She's expressing powerful emotion she can't articulate or process.

HB

jfkoc

Re the bed....Get a 6 sided wateerproof mattress cover. Layer with the fitted sheet and then the pads.

Re the underpants...there mey be a brand that is more comfortable. Just replace the old with the new.

Things should get better when the UTI is gone.

annewilder

My DH wets several times a night. He is in MCF and uses a diaper style brief with no PJ bottoms. He reaches into the brief and urinates somehow by magic! I use the washable incontinence pads; one on top of mattress pad and one on top of fitted sheet. I am exploring adaptive night garments to keep his hands away from the brief. I'd love to hear any solutions that have been successful for others. I really like the comfort of the washable pads and we've tried lots of briefs. I know there are some new "panties" for women that will hold many cc's of urine. Perhaps others with female family members can comment on those. Best of luck.....and hugs to you.

Lgb35

There are actual absorbent underwear for women called Thinx they are expensive and only hold about 3 tablespoons of liquid. I buy tranquility overnight briefs for my FIL. They hold over 32oz or 3 pop cans worth! It has been a life changer for sure. He said they are comfortable and they are thin so they feel like underwear. No tabs he does not want a diaper. He also has the washable pads for the bed and the chair he sits in just in case

Dogsaremylife

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67282/and-so-it-begins

So so sorry you are enduring this. Have you tried getting her doctor to prescribe drugs that will calm or subdue her? The Home Hospice care nurse gave my husband Seroquel and it has made a huge difference. He is more calm but alert so it's the best of both worlds for us. You have to do something to help make YOUR life easier, because the quality of your life matters just as much as your wife's. Blessings to you and your wife.