Introducing PWD to new people

pjswiftwater

Hello, first time poster her although I have been following the discussions for awhile.

My DH and I met 6 years ago and married the following year. The year after that, 2020, he was diagnosed with probable Alzheimer's as well as a Vascular dementia.

Now the sweet man I feel in love with has frequent anger outbursts, and I am never sure what might trigger them but it's usually something I say or do. He tells me the man I married died. I have read a ton of books on dementia, watch the videos, and have prior experience with my mother who suffered from dementia for many years.

Recently an old friend, boyfriend from many years ago, passed away. I am considering attending the wake. I don't think my DH would be comfortable being introduced to new people he has no connection to, people that I have history with, and I am not comfortable leaving him home alone, possibly with ramifications when I returned.

I don't think there's a good answer here other than to not attend the wake. A good friend who knows my DH strongly advises against attending. And I don't really know why I want to attend other than showing respect and possibly connecting with friends I haven't seen for years. Because of Covid and dementia our social circle has become quite small. But if we can't seem to navigate a "normal" day without an outburst I can't imagine attending a wake with people he doesn't know isn't just asking for trouble.

I hate how this has changed our lives. Maybe there's no such thing as Wedded Bliss but I wish we had a couple of good years before the memory loss and mood changes started. I appreciate everyone who posts here and for letting me rant.

Denise1847

Welcome PJ,

I am so sorry that you have a need to be here. For the angry outbursts, I would call the doctor to see if he/she can prescribe something. Because of the anger, it is critical that you get meds for him as it may be possible that he could get violent. Also, it is my understanding that Vascular dementia has some variations in the progression (perhaps the anger is one of them). While you want to connect with old friends and pay respects, It may not be worth the outcome. Maybe send the family a note of condolences instead.

mommyandme (m&m)

Thank you for sharing! My thoughts to your post are to go without him. Take some respite for yourself, paying respects and connecting with people you know. I wouldn’t take your husband and if that’s the only option, probably not a good idea to go. It seems heartbreaking to me if you go but can’t spend valuable time reminiscing due to your husbands needs. I know you love him and it may feel like a betrayal not to take him, but you need to take care of you too. Maybe you can have a dear friend or family member come over to spend time with your husband while you do some important self care.