Be Careful about Moving

Palmetto Peg

A little over a year ago, my DH and I were living in South Carolina. My husband started exhibiting symptoms of dementia, but I just didn't realize how far along he was. He insisted that he wanted to move back to NJ where he would be near his brother and other family. I gave in and agreed, and it has been a disaster. His brother wants no part of a family member who might need care along the way, and after golf season ended here, there is nothing for my husband to do. He is anxious and depressed and has slipped considerably in both his memory and his mood. So, we are moving again. This time I insisted that we do it my way, and we are moving to a Continuing Care Retirement Community, but all of the moving work is mine again. Do not let your loved one try to persuade you that a move will end their symptoms and/or anxiety and depression. He just packed that up and brought it with him here. I am sure our next move will be a better one, but the work involved in moving is not something to take lightly. Do not let your loved one, or your need for family support, to convince you that moving will solve anything. It does not! Move to where you feel is best, not where they imagine that life will be better! It doesn't work!!!

M1

What a lot of work for you Peg, I'm sorry. Hope this next one is worth it and will provide the support that You need as the caregiver.

terei

This is another example of allowing the PWD to have input on decision making. It is very hard to come to acceptance when they are no longer able to come to well reasoned, logical conclusions on most, if not all subjects. When I initially felt that mom should be included in decision making that affected her, it inevitably caused strife + conflict between us when it became clear that mentally she was not competent

annewilder

We have considered moving from SC to TN to be bear our one child, an adult male. I worked with a CCRC there and with a private consultant. They, separately, advised that such move might be too difficult for my husband and that he might decline further if we made the move so we are still in out hometown. He is in Memory care 4 miles from home. Son flies in every 4-6 weeks for 4-7 days at a time. Right now this is the best for us.

Quilting brings calm

It’s sort of damned if you do, damned if you don’t sort of decision. Many people do move to be near family members - but that doesn’t work if those family members won’t help when you get there. As a family member, I needed to move my parents back near me because my life was here and I couldn’t help them from 12.5 hours away.