Neighbor with dementia both aggressive and sexually inappropriate

tclane

I rent an apartment. There is a gentleman on the floor where my apartment is located who has both been aggressive with me (trying to push his way into my apartment after offering to help me carry in groceries), physically grabbing me with both of his arms once in the laundry room and this evening, trying to kiss me. There have been a couple of other events such as saying things that were inappropriate. I spoke to the apt manager about it and all she does is tell me she will "speak to his family about it". If she has spoken to his family about it, nothing has had an impact since his behavior hasn't changed. He still lives on his own in his own apartment albeit at the same apartment complex his wife does. His wife actually lives in the same apartment complex herself but in a different building than him. She has told neighbors that she can't live with him because he is too much to handle. His dementia is very noticeable. From day to day he may not even remember that he knows you. He will say things such as he has been hired to work at the apartment complex, etc. I would say his age is in his 70's. He clearly has a dementia problem. I am baffled and confused by him living in his own apartment but notin the same building as his wife. If the two of them lived in the same building, he would have more supervision. This way he would have more supervision. He is in in a completely different building than his wife. The building I live in and on the same floor as me! I am concerned about my level of safety with him. Speaking to the apt. manager hasn't helped. I don't speak directly to his wife about him since my impression of her isn't positive. Her husband, the one with the dementia was once staring at my breasts as I was in the hallway to the building heading for the main door. I told him to stop and she called me a curse word. I don't believe she saw what he was doing but it was quite obvious and she and her husband were walking down stairs so maybe she didn't see it. But I did and it was my responsibility to let him know that as a paying tenant I did not expect him as my neighbor to be staring at me in a sexual manner. I was quite surprised when his wife lashed out. The apt manager did verify that he has made inappropriate remarks to some women here however that was when he first moved in about 2 years ago. The fact that he tried to kiss me tonight in the hallway is disturbing. I pay money to live here and his harassment of me is making my life here uncomfortable. I lived here before he did and am not going to move because of him. He didn't actually physically touch me this time. He started to lean in to kiss me and in the process "asked" if he could kiss me. I said "no!" and then told him such behavior was unacceptable and if he did it again I would "report" him. But who do I report him to? When he tried to physically push his way into my apartment the one time I did contact the non-emergency line of the local police department. They told me they could send someone out. I told them I would like to give him one more chance as I know he has a problem. They insisted it would be a good idea for me to make a report but I didn't have the courage. Now after tonight's episode, I don't how what to do about him. I am nothing more than a tenant here. I am not friends with him, I am not friends with his wife. Except for the fact we live on the same floor in the apt. complex, he and I (and his wife) really are strangers. What is the best approach to take with someone who is being permitted to essentially live on his own with his wife "supervising" him from another apartment in another building? His wife recently told us he keeps losing his keys and asked people in the building if we would mind leaving the building door which is supposed to be securely locked door, unlocked so he can get in and out. Since that time, the secure dog is unlocked so John and come and go since he keeps losing his keys. I am fed up with him but don't know how to handle his behavior. I don't know who can make him move into the same building as his wife or have his wife move into this building! That is what needs to happen. He should not be living on his own. Who do I report his behaviors to? I am sick of giving him second chances and I realize he had dementia (his own wife won't live with him) but I can't handle his actions toward me. Should I start calling the police when he does things? The apt. manager as I said only replies with "I will let his family know".

Iris L.

This is a very serious problem. I had the same thing happen to me when I went to welcome a new neighbor, before I knew anything about dementia. But I knew she was not normal. My manager did call her son to remove her. In your case, you might call Adult Protective Services and describe your situation. I would also suggest that you repost on the Gerneral Caregiver's board, so you will get more responses. This board is mostly visited by members with dementia.

If he tries to enter your apartment or to physically approach you, call the police. Some police department have responders to handle psychiatric and dementia patients. Document every encounter on your phone and take pictures!

Iris

tclane

Thank you Iris. I will repost this and I also appreciate your feedback. I am sick of this. He has been harassing me since he moved in.

tclane