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Merla

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Anonymousjpl123

Hi Merla,

The holidays can be brutal, at least in my experience. It was easier before my mom got much worse in her dementia. I do, also, think that when parents had significant mental health issues before the diagnosis (e.g., mine), and there is family estrangement, it's all just that much harder. Before my mom's diagnosis my siblings and I were all basically going about our business, with me visiting my parents occassionally. Now it's all so much harder.

I'm fairly certain she doesn't. have a negative perception of you, especially since you are one of the few family members in touch with her (again, same for me). It's just that when there ARE so few people around the person, it falls so much on the ones who are. Meaning you. I wouldn't recommend going to her condo. I would trust your gut. I think we have to just take care of our loved ones the best we can. We can't take away this disease, or fix their lives, but we can show love and compassion and make sure they are safe and cared for.

And if she has painted you as bad, it's not really any different than if she painted you as good. My mom has literally split me into two people these days, with the same name and same voice, I'm pretty sure one shows up when she asks and the other doesn't. I'm both. I have had to let go of that, recognize that my relationship with my mom was never close, but here we are, and I can be with her as THIS mom, through this stage, and model love the best I can. You can call her, let her know she is welcome, and make sure she is safe. That's all you need to do.