Mom has severe dementia

ajanda28

my parents live in Arizona and I live in Massachusetts. Recently my mom was diagnosed with severe dementia. I’ve known for a long time she had dementia but her and my dad were in denial. Since the official diagnosis she cries multiple times a day asking when she will die. I am currently visiting them but will need to return home to my family and job. I am feeling so conflicted right now. How do I know when it’s time to move in with them and help out?

M1

Welcome to the forum. Moving cross country is a huge decision and obviously impacts your own family too. I would think long and hard about all of the options before you do anything-for example, would it be better to move them to Massachusetts? You probably need to meet with a certified elder law attorney about powers of attorney, wills, and how to qualify them for Medicaid if that might become necessary to finance long-term care. One question there would be whether it would be better in Arizona or Massachusetts, unless they are financially able to pay for memory care out of pocket. You should find out about memory care alternatives in both states, too. Don't make promises about keeping her at home for the duration, you should keep all of your options open. I'm sorry you are facing this.

SusanB-dil

Hi ajanda - agreeing with M1... Please do look more at moving them closer to you, rather than other way around.

Also - does your dad have DPOA and maybe both of you have HIPPA accesses? important. But one of you should let her doc know about the depression. MIL is on something for that, and it has helped very much.