So overwhelmed, and I don’t know how to get help or if there’s even help out there for us

CharlieHollister

For a couple of weeks my dad started getting paranoid and really aggressive and then one day I thought he was in the bathroom but instead he opened up the garage and went to the neighbors house and called the police and said that some man was holding him captive and being mean to him. so when I realized he wasn’t in the bathroom and seen the garage door was open, walked out to the front yard to a cop drawing a gun on me. Luckily, there was a cop there that was compassionate and understanding because if it was just the one that drew the gun, I probably would’ve been thrown on the ground and drug through the concrete. I explained to the nice cop and she was understanding we tried to talk to my dad and he just kept saying no. I’m not going back in the house with that man so we called an ambulance. and had him taken to the hospital and They put them under observation for more than three weeks he didn’t know who I was didn’t even know he had kids, so we were talking about a memory care unit with the case manager. Because there was nothing else I could do every time I walked in the room he start screaming and telling him that he didn’t want me there that he was scared of me. They ended up putting him on Zyprexa. Then around the fourth week I tried to go in the room again and when I walked in, he just lit up and smiled and I asked him do you know who I am he’s like yeah my son what do you mean so I continue to see him every day we talked And everything seemed all right so they agreed to release him back to me at home and show me how to apply for guardianship and the doctors and psychiatrist wrote a letter for the courts. But now I wish I would’ve went ahead and got power of attorney when he was still lucid and had agreed to it. I just kept putting it off. now it just seems like I’m so stressed out waiting for the other shoe to drop. and I look for some kind of aid or assistance, but if the person is not a veteran or barely gets any social Security there’s not programs. They say he make to much from SS. He doesn’t have any private retirement or 401K he just get SS. So I put nest cams all over the house to keep an eye on him when I’m at work. And make and label his lunch and snacks while I’m gone to work. I just can’t bear the thought of him going to a government subsidized memory care facility where he has one more roommates. I know that will kill him till I’m doing everything possible to keep him in the home but so far so good hasn’t been getting paranoid and he seems to know I’m his son, even though he can’t remember my name most of the time. Which is just funny because we have the same name I’m a Jr. This has just went downhill so fast because this time last year he was driving himself to the store, buying what he wanted to eat, paying all his bills, remembering to take his medicine. And now I have to help him take a shower because he doesn’t remember what to do like put soap on the loofah get the water, the right temperature. He doesn’t know how to use the microwave anymore make a sandwich. He doesn’t know the steps to do anything anymore. And all the caregiver support groups around me are when I’m at work so I can’t go to those and get tips and ideas and help and support. I’m just so alone and I don’t know what to do.

SusanB-dil

Hi Charlie - Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. Good you found this forum, as I know for myself, it has been quite a lifeline.

Yes, that is a lot to deal with, especially on your own... You can see a CLEC attorney (elder-care attorney) for guardianship assistance. You can also call the alz line and ask for a care-consultant. You also would need HIPPA accesses. It sounds like the doctors have prescribed medications that are helping for now, and that is good.

M1

Hi Charlie. You definitely need to talk to a certified elder law attorney. There are mechanisms for qualifying him for Medicaid no matter what his social security income is, but it varies by state. Once qualified, he may be eligible for some help at home (that's cheaper for the state than a nursing home). You can find certified elder law attorneys listed by location at nelf.org. they can help you complete guardianship also.

nelluminated

> @CharlieHollister said:
> For a couple of weeks my dad started getting paranoid and really aggressive and then one day I thought he was in the bathroom but instead he opened up the garage and went to the neighbors house and called the police and said that some man was holding him captive and being mean to him. so when I realized he wasn’t in the bathroom and seen the garage door was open, walked out to the front yard to a cop drawing a gun on me. Luckily, there was a cop there that was compassionate and understanding because if it was just the one that drew the gun, I probably would’ve been thrown on the ground and drug through the concrete. I explained to the nice cop and she was understanding we tried to talk to my dad and he just kept saying no. I’m not going back in the house with that man so we called an ambulance. and had him taken to the hospital and They put them under observation for more than three weeks he didn’t know who I was didn’t even know he had kids, so we were talking about a memory care unit with the case manager. Because there was nothing else I could do every time I walked in the room he start screaming and telling him that he didn’t want me there that he was scared of me. They ended up putting him on Zyprexa. Then around the fourth week I tried to go in the room again and when I walked in, he just lit up and smiled and I asked him do you know who I am he’s like yeah my son what do you mean so I continue to see him every day we talked And everything seemed all right so they agreed to release him back to me at home and show me how to apply for guardianship and the doctors and psychiatrist wrote a letter for the courts. But now I wish I would’ve went ahead and got power of attorney when he was still lucid and had agreed to it. I just kept putting it off. now it just seems like I’m so stressed out waiting for the other shoe to drop. and I look for some kind of aid or assistance, but if the person is not a veteran or barely gets any social Security there’s not programs. They say he make to much from SS. He doesn’t have any private retirement or 401K he just get SS. So I put nest cams all over the house to keep an eye on him when I’m at work. And make and label his lunch and snacks while I’m gone to work. I just can’t bear the thought of him going to a government subsidized memory care facility where he has one more roommates. I know that will kill him till I’m doing everything possible to keep him in the home but so far so good hasn’t been getting paranoid and he seems to know I’m his son, even though he can’t remember my name most of the time. Which is just funny because we have the same name I’m a Jr. This has just went downhill so fast because this time last year he was driving himself to the store, buying what he wanted to eat, paying all his bills, remembering to take his medicine. And now I have to help him take a shower because he doesn’t remember what to do like put soap on the loofah get the water, the right temperature. He doesn’t know how to use the microwave anymore make a sandwich. He doesn’t know the steps to do anything anymore. And all the caregiver support groups around me are when I’m at work so I can’t go to those and get tips and ideas and help and support. I’m just so alone and I don’t know what to do.

Hello my name is nell trust me but i know exactly how you feel and just always remember that God is always with us through all these hardships, struggles, challenges. Our dad was diagnosed of alzheimer a year ago, it is only me, my elder brother and our dad coz our mom past away 2005.

Alzheimer is definitely not something that we were prepared for, sometimes you don't even know what to expect from people with this kind of illness. Sometimes I am not aware of the time, day, month or events on my surroundings coz I am too focused on our dad.

It took me a year to master this kind of illness so to speak. From time to time I am still overwhelmed or wondering almost everyday on what is my next startegy to cope up with our dad's condition.

These past months he have difficulty sleeping, his doctor prescribed Qtipine 25 to help him sleep better but to our surprise just after a week of taking the medecine he went back to sleepless nights. Through God's guidance and wisdom i continuously research, read, explore possible options for non medical approach to help him sleep comfortably.

At first i tried the dim light in our room (i sleep on the floor inside our dad's room to carefully watch over him) and that worked, i added the aroma.diffuser lavender scent, also included incense sticks (white sage that promotes clearing of negative energies, ease tension, lift your mood and relieve stress), as time goes by i also play soothing sounds everynight before we sleep (water, music, bird and calmness sounds which is available on spotify with plenty of options). I even put talc powder with lavender essence calming effect on our dad's face, neck, back chest, arms, legs, feet. All these ritual along side our dad's single prescribed medecine for sleep just to give him a peaceful sleep everynight.

And the list goes on for other concerns on his behavior (resistance is already there when he eats, needs to take a bath or wants to go outsise etc.) And just like your dad our dad also says "no" majority of the time, he only answers either no or no need and it's okay but when you do or say something it is actually the other way around (no means yes to him something like that) not to mention him not telling us how he really feels or if he is in pain or not okay (we have to guess or analyze his body movement or facial expression 98% of the time)

I currently do part time home base job and my brother is the one supporting us financially who works full time in a company coz i was the one assigned to care for our dad instead of hiring someone to care for him or sending him to care facilities (in our countries culture [philippines] we care for our elders for as long as we can and keep them with us at home).

Just imagine this how i care for our dad with alzheimer while i also care for 3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 small chicken, love birds and fishes at the same time.

Balance Life and God is all we need to get through alzheimer/dementia each day that passes by.

PurpleFinch

Hi Charlie!

I am so sorry to hear of your father’s decline. I do not have much to say aside from you are not alone! It sure as heck feels like it… and in times of despair reading others’ posts/responses and joining an online support group thru the ALZ organization has given me some comfort. You now have a place to come and ask questions, get tips, and receive support around being in this situation.