Always seems mad and quiet nothing to say

dcrowex

I am the POA for my dear friend who is in an Alzheimers unit. Formally, funny, sarcastic, friendly, she often seems just mad all the time. I visit her and we often sit in silence watching TV. I asked random things to make conversations and she just stares at the TV and gives me one word answers. Or doesn't answer at all. She often seems ticked off, just doesn't want to talk, and lays in her bed quietly staring at the TV. Is this normal? I feel like I go to see her and not that I am expecting things to be "normal" but she is not even friendly anymore so to keep from agitating her, I often just watch whatever show she is watching and occasionally make a comment on that show. She doesn't even acknowledge it. Still adjusting to this new person she is.

JeriLynn66

You might speak with the staff members regarding her interactions with them and other residents.. is she like this with everyone?

Quilting brings calm

Are you her medical POA also? Is she on anxiety and depression medication? Do you know what stage of dementia she is in? Because they lose the ability to form sentences, to show empathy, have a flat affect and can appear mad even when they are not.

dcrowex

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I am her POA. We are in our 60's but have been best friends since 7th grade and I know her very well. I never know what to expect when I go see her. She can be in a good mood, at least the bits of conversation is more pleasant, and other times, she has nothing to say. She does have trouble finding words to describe what she is trying to say and it frustrates her. When the aides come in with her meals, she is usually thanking them and smiling. But if they have her in a chair and her bedsheets are not changed, she will be rude to the same aide about getting her bed fixed. I believe she is on an anti depressant, yes. She is in a very nice place with loving care from the nurses and aides and they are so kind and understanding to her. But I think she is not happy, even mad about being so limited, bored, confused, and frustrated at her limitations now, even though she does not know what has happened to her. I have learned to gauge her moods better. I think this is just who she is now.

dcrowex

And I would say she is in stage 4? She can feed herself and can get to the bathroom most of the time but has frequent accidents, needs help with showers, lot of her cognitive skills have declined like remembering words, names of objects, etc.

SusanB-dil

dcrowex - I'm so sorry, but she sounds farther along than you think. 'Accidents' and needing assistance with bathing, cognitive skill decline, and not remembering words or objects is more deep into stage 5 and even maybe stepping a foot into stage 6. So what you are seeing and dealing with now may be because of this.

edit to add: you can check out the stages here: https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/stages

https://sunflowercommunities.org/7-stages-of-dementia/

dcrowex

Thank you very much for your comments and the link. It was very helpful. I think you are right after reading this.

Appreciate your time.

mommyandme (m&m)

I wonder if she has other visitors coming to see her? Does she react the same to all? If she doesn’t have many visitors, I’d definitely keep going to visit with her even if I was a little uncomfortable.

Bringing a favorite treat of hers might lighten her up. Bringing an activity of sorts with you may be something to do. A picture book of her favorite animals or even asking her to help you sort something from home, a bag of towels to fold etc… Talk with her about yourself, even asking her advice may spark her interest. Bring up some fun memories and/or pictures from your past with her, try to refrain from saying “do you remember” though.

She may be very frustrated and scared under there. I know how difficult it is to have discussions with our dementia patients. It’s so very hard and sad. I agree with SusanB that she’s most likely quite a bit farther along in her disease.