Argument

mpang123

I'm so upset. I visited my mom and dad today and was filling my dad's med box when I found out my mom has been doing it herself and gave him the wrong dose. I addressed that to my mom and she's confused about the right meds for dad. We had a verbal altercation and told me to get out. So I did. My dad has dementia and can't fill his own meds without help. My mom shows sign of early dementia so I know she gets confused and memory loss. I shouldn't have walked out on her but I was too upset. This is the first time I've had an argument with mom over her confusion. I have to go back next week to bring my dad to the doctor but I don't know if my mom will let me in. Have anyone been mad over their loved ones for not understanding the logic behind the argument? What do you do?

Jeanne C.

Yes. So many times. I think acceptance was the key for me. Once I truly accepted that my husband has dementia, it helped me take a quick breath before reacting. My mantra is "he's not giving you a hard time, he's having a hard time."

Do I get angry and frustrated? Of course. But he almost never sees it. He's always going to respond better to a hug than an argument. I don't try to get him to agree with me. I don't try to teach him. I use fibs, redirection, and patience because he no longer can understand or reason.

It's time to get your mom out of the meds. You already know this. I purchased a simple case with a combination lock for meds. I set up the weekly tray out of his sight. At first there were arguments but it really was a case of outta-sight-outta-mind. After a week or two, it never came up again.

I'm sorry you're having trouble. Hang in there.

Emily 123

Hi mpang123,

How's her memory? Truly noy trying to be a smart**s, but she may forget the argument, right?

And there's no point beating yourself up--done is done, and you were coming from a place of concern. I get the frustration!

Try calling or going by tomorrow and see the response. If she does recall, you can always apologize and just say you were concerned about your dad's meds.

I'd be more concerned about getting back in there and securing your dad's meds. Might be time for a plan that encompasses more oversight for mom too. Good luck!

mpang123

Mom just text me and said she's sorry, she was rude and that she was in a bad mood. I said it's ok but let me do the meds, not her. If she doesn't, I will take the bottles with me and go there every week to fill up dad's meds.

Quilting brings calm

Check local pharmacies to see if they do the blister pack medication packaging. They put the pills on pre packaged group by date and time( day 1 morning,lunch,etc). The patient ( or their caregiver) just gets out the correct package and opens it up. The assisted living center my parents are in uses a pharmacy that does this

mpang123

Qbc, thank you! That's a good idea. I will contact CVS pharmacy to do that!

Smilescountry

This is really difficult. Both of my parents have dementia, my dad being farther along than my mom. I had to realize that my mom cannot problem solve very well any more, so i cannot expect her to function like she once did. However, they both still need my respect and patience. What I keep in mind is that my parents are very aware of how people make them feel, so I have to work on smiling, being positive, and trying to see the world from their point of view. I then approach the medical, financial, and safety issues as ways to make life easier for them. I got my sisters on board with me (wasn't easy at first), and I talked to our doctor, who had a frank and very simple talk with Dad that helped both Mom and Dad to decide to go to assisted living. I am too close in age to my parents to be able to take care of them myself. Every situation is different, and if I were younger I would consider having my parents live with me. You can get through this.

mpang123

@Smilescountry

Looks like we both have similar situations. My dad's dementia is more pronounced than my mom's. My mom is my dad's primary caregiver but because of her progressive memory loss and confusion, I have to keep a watchful eye on her. My family members need to discuss POA, medical and financial and placement matters concerning both parents. It's all a learning process for all of us so this journey is going to be rough. I have learned a lot from all the members of this support site. Thanks for sharing!

NUMber2

Not easy at all! Yes, I've been a terrible daughter while trying to be the best of daughters. I just keep trying to do, to be, better the next day. I wish my brother would help but he refuses. I wish my husband, who helps 110% could be more sympathetic.

This isn't easy!

TU2823

Oh wow can I relate to this! It’s so hard to hear things that my mom would never have said in the past. I’m trying to be patient and understanding but it’s very hard. I too am told I’m a bad daughter and that I don’t care. I feel like the things I have done are not recognized…which I’m pretty sure she just doesn’t remember. It’s hard to repeat things, to explain over and over. It’s hard not to think that I’m a bad person and I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve read that giving only 2 options instead of “where would u like to have lunch”. It’s too overwhelming for her and she just doesn’t know what to say. Ordering a meal at a restaurant is painful. The decision process is tough. I know I have to let go of trying to explain- I need to b ok with not trying to prove what I said or did- it’s just not important I need to learn that o don’t need to be “right”. I’ve learned to stick with very basic details and choices- too much info is not good. I pray to be a better communicator so that she can understand better. Patience is so hard. I just joined this forum today and I feel so much better being able to be honest without judgment and getting advice is so helpful!

jepizarro

Hi. I'm new to the group, and I have an 83-year-old father with late-stage Alzheimer's. With everything that his care requires between myself and my mother and brothers, prescriptions can be hard to manage. I found a company called PillPack (owned by Amazon). They are their own pharmacy, and once they have all the RX prescribed (I just had them transferred from Walgreens to them), they package them in a "pill pack" (about the size of those little parmesan packets you receive in a take-out food order.

The box looks like a Kleenex box of sorts, but instead of tissue, there are individual packs with the correct prescriptions that tear off each other.

In my dad's case, they packaged four pills in one pack and 3 in the other (morning and night). (and are labeled as such and what each pack contains). I can look at it and see if the AM or PM pills have been used just by looking at the box. Also, I programmed Alexa to speak twice daily reminders to my mom or brothers to ensure the pill pack has been given to my dad.

I do better with a plan, and between the 4 of us in our family looking after him, each person knows when to give him and what. Since they come pre-packaged, there is no room for giving him the wrong medication.

They can also include vitamins or other over-the-counter pills in the pack as well (my dad takes an aspirin in the morning, and it's already in the pack. They contact the MD when it's time for a refill, and it comes in 30-day boxes automatically shipped to your house.

This may help your mom avoid the confusion, take the guesswork she was doing, and hopefully avoid the argument.

https://www.pillpack.com/

mpang123

My sister is a pharmacy technician and was going to order prepacked pills for my dad. But it never happened. Not reliable....but I have found a pillbox that holds up to a month with both am and pm slots. Perfect! That way, I don't have to refill it every week and mom won't have to worry about filling it up herself. I get it from Amazon next week.

M1

Hope it works for you, at least for a while. Be prepared however that there comes a point when a pillbox or even a pillpack won't be sufficient. They may take them out, not take them, can't recall the day of the week or the time of day. At that point (about stage 4 for us) there's nothing short of physically handing them the pills and watching them take them that will suffice.