Getting near the End

RickM

Visited Melissa today. Sat in her room with her, holding her hand. Surprisingly she put her other hand on top of mine. I put on Springsteen's "Tunnel of Love" album and we sat together.

Later the hospice nurse knocked on the door and joined us. Melissa's vitals are still good but she is eating less and some "other stuff" is changing. We've reached the point where the quality of life is waning for both of us. In fact, we had talked about this when she was still more "cognitive" and what we would want. She's eating less. Still drinks plenty of juice, but takes forever chewing her food. I don't want to push her to eat.

The hospice nurse validates what I already know: this is what happens. We talk about when we'll know when to start the "comfort medications".

Stage 7 is tough. How tough will stage 8 be?

Thanks to so many here that share their experiences on this journey.

Rick

charley0419

May I ask how long this journey has been?

RickM

Longer than we want.

Joydean

Rick I’m so sorry! I loved when you said Melissa placed her hand on top of yours. Just today my dh’s doctor asked me if I was preparing myself for what comes next. My head was saying some but my heart was screaming no! Stage 7 is so hard. Prayers for you and Melissa!

ButterflyWings

(((RickM))) hugs from one Stage 7 spouse caregiver to another. Yes, tough is an understatement. We have several developments that are signaling the end is drawing closer for my DH as well. Trying to endure the unthinkable, while keeping him comfortable at least. I hope your weekend is as peaceful as possible.

M1

Thinking about you. Crucial time together.

Beachfan

Rick,

I’m so sorry; this is such a horrible time for both of you. I remember it well. Stage 8 has its pitfalls for sure, but in hindsight, DH’s eventual passing was relatively quick (3 1/2 days of Hospice care) and for that I am eternally grateful. Hoping and praying for strength for you and peace for your DW. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Jgirl57

RickM, Thank you for sharing your sweet moment with us. Hugs to you and your DW as stage 7 comes to an end.

Joe C.

Rick, I’m sorry you have reached this point in the journey. I will keep both of you in my thoughts & prayers.

White Crane

Rick, I will be holding you and Melissa close in prayer. I’m sorry this is so hard…for both of you.

Mint

(((To All)))

mrspgee

Spend all the time you possibly can with Melissa. Hold her hand and speak into her ear, tell her about the beautiful times in your life together. We are never really prepared for the life of a dear one to come to an end. It does and at Melissa's stage, it may be for the best. Prolonged pain, emotional and physical, will not avoid the inevitable. May you be at peace as you let go of her physical being. You know she is no longer in her body. Her mind has been robbed of her essence.

Vitruvius

Rick,

My DW is well into Stage 7 and on hospice. She has been having issues eating and drinking for over a year and has to be hand fed. She was chewing her food a great deal and feeding her would take 45-50 minutes. She was given a swallow test twice, each time the conclusion was that she had no physical problem swallowing, her brain just didn't know what to do. She was moved from regular food to "minced and moist", but this didn't help much, with all the chewing she would get tired and eat less it seemed. Finally she was moved to solely purée food. This really helped. She stopped trying to chew everything to death and will now just swallow the purée. Feeding now takes less time and she is taking in more food. Swallowing liquids however is still a problem as she will hold the liquid in her mouth for quite a long time, 15-20 minutes per sip if she is not cajoled into swallowing it. They think she has lost the sensation to swallow liquids. Thickeners didn't help, still not as thick as the puréed food which works. Still trying to find a solution for liquids.

So the point of this is to maybe try a different food consistency like purée (think baby food consistency).

Hope this is of some value.

RickM

Thanks for sharing your experience with this Vitruvius.

And to all of you thank you for your kind thoughts

Rick