Help with ideas- dealing with my dad who has dementia

fitchmom

Good evening,
I am new to this ALZ group and I need some advise. My dad who is a young 79 year old and has frontal dementia. I am his only care giver and I am struggling on how to stay strong and positive with this disease. I need to know that fibbing is ok and saying " ok" , "sure " with all of his questions. I am not ready for all this responsiblily. I am a single mom of 2 teen kids, 45 myself, working full time . I know its not gonna be easy but am i alone in this? How did you all feel at the begining

M1

Welcome to the forum, that is a lot to have on your plate.

I will be blunt and say that your needs and your children's needs must have priority. I would have a low threshold to place your dad in memory care if he is not already so that you can focus on your own life and work and your kids. You will need power of attorney for your dad, if you don't already have this a certified elder law attorney can assist and can help with financial planning also. I'm sorry you are facing this, this forum is a good place for support. Read a lot of threads and you will learn a lot. You are not alone.

Jeanne C.

Hi and welcome. I completely agree with M1 that you and your kids need to be your priority. And, yes, the legal stuff is top of the list. I would also add that learning more about dementia will help (everyone will recommend the 36 Hour Day - it really is useful).

You mentioned that your dad has frontal dementia. There are quite a few of us on the forum with loved ones with FTD. All dementia is challenging, but FTD has some unique issues, especially around behaviors and medications. When you're ready, let us know how far he has progressed and what questions you have. We're all glad to help. We've set up a group (menu at top left of the screen, go to groups, search for FTD if it's not already near the top) when/if you're ready to poke around.

We've all been at the beginning where you are, just trying to figure it out. It's overwhelming, frightening, and sad. But you're not alone here.

Dio

On the heels of what M1 already said... I don't mean to be unkind, but it seems you may have already lost your father to this disease if he has Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD), and within this umbrella there are several subcategories as well. Along with Lewy Body Dementia, it's one of the most difficult dementias to handle or care for. Please get all the legal and financial affairs taken care of, NOW, if you haven't already done so. It's only going to get worse as the disease progresses. Read up all you can on FTD and be prepared. Don't hesitate to consider placement either if it's financially feasible.

Iris L.

What do you mean by "young" 79 year old? If you mean his behavior is childlike, you may be describing FTD behavior. Is he living alone?

Iris

GG06

Hi @fitchmom. As you can already see, you are not alone in this journey. It's awful for sure, but I think the initial shock is in some ways the worst. You have gotten great advice on the forum. One thing I would add is to check out AFTD - The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration (theaftd.org) website. It has a wealth of information on the disease and the different variants. The helpline has also been incredibly helpful to me on a few occasions that I've needed to contact them. Hang in there. And remember, you are doing the best you can in a truly crappy situation.