Always wrong.

BarnesL

This is my first post , but have been reading for a while. It seems no matter what I say there is always a negative response from my DW. It's like I can never win an argument. I just give in and be quite. Was wondering how you all deal with it. She has early dementia and depression.

Thanks Lee

charley0419

You will never win one, don’t bother trying to reason at times. My DW isn’t really too bad yet just confused and short memory loss s as lot

loveskitties

Your world is no longer her world, so trying to reason with or correct is not possible most times. Try to avoid arguments unless there is some personal risk to either of you. Perhaps you could use "you may be right" to negative responses.

Her doctor should be contacted regarding her depression. Very common with PWD and meds often prescribed.

BPS

I have had a hard time with this, but I am slowly learning that it is better for me to say I understand you feel that way but I don't agree but I am going downstairs to take care of some stuff. When I come back up she has forgot the argument. That is not easy and I don't always do it but when I do it works better then discussing it. I think it is part of the changing relationship from spouse to caregiver.

M1

Hi Lee, welcome to the forum. You have joined a good group that can really help, IMO.

Not being able to argue and discuss is a hard part of the loss here. She is no longer your equal, to debate and disagree. It's sad, really, and it is a huge deal to give up the ways of communicating that you had as a couple. It's part of the transition to the caregiver role and it's harder and sadder than it looks.

My partner and I are both strong personalities, and we had epic disagreements sometimes. She used to say of herself as a Texan, "not always right, but always certain." Nonetheless over the years we got pretty good at handling conflict (she has a master's in psychology). As her dementia took hold, it was extremely painful to realize that not only could I not rely on her for help and emotional support, but there was no point in correcting her or disagreeing with her. So even though we were still living together, i didn't have a partner any more. You start turning to others (such as this forum) for the support you need. Heartbreaking. Reminiscent of divorce in that regard.

I hope your marriage/partnership has enough past strength to carry you through this. I am lucky that we had a wonderful marrIage, i couldn't have asked for better. There are plenty of folks here who weren't that lucky-as well as plenty of people caring for parents who did not necessarily have good relationships-but who still step up to the caregiving plate and do what has to be done. All of these folks can help you figure out how to cope. Best to you....

Edited to add: that negativity on her part is characteristic of the early disease, as a way of venting anger and frustration with her deficits. You are going to be the safe target, unfortunately. I would discuss with her docs, as some of it might respond to tweaks in medication. I am sorry, because I know it hurts and you are going to feel like a punching bag....