First long vacation since my wife’s short term memory problems.
We came back from 8 days in Florida (we live in NJ) a few days ago. My wife knows her short term memory is non-existent, so she made a chart of all her meds and when to take them and had containers for all the meds (labeled). The problem was that she didn’t remember to use the chart and didn’t remember where she packed the meds. She got very frustrated when trying to find them.
I’ve decided that the next time we go away for an extended time, I will record where all the meds are packed and make a checklist to be used when the meds are taken.
This was not a fun vacation with her freaking out when she couldn’t remember where her meds were or even if she took them.
Another problem was she was not feeling well most of the vacation, not Covid, and when we got home she decided she had a sinus infection so she self-medicated a Z-Pack she had saved.
She sleeps with earplugs which block out 99% of the noise (we don't have a noisy house). I usually get up before she does and this morning she texted me asking if I had been on the phone (no), since she heard voices thru the earplugs. This concerns me, because, everything I've read says hearing voices doesn't start until a later stage of the desease. I don't think she's past late stage 3/ early stage 4.
She's never handled stress very well and now she just gets frustrated. I've offered to help around the house, but if I don't do something as quick as she wants, she gets mad at me and does it herself and then gets mad at me for not helping. I'm a very calm person and I usually don't get mad, but lately, I find that I'm getting mad a her more which has led to quite a few arguments.
Comments
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Ken I’m sorry. It’s so hard to realize that you can’t count on previous behaviors and to learn to anticipate what will probably go wrong. Sounds like you’re in the thick of that. Travel and a change in environment may have exacerbated. It’s terrible to be the safe target and the punching bag as her anxiety and frustration mount. Wish I had a magic answer.
I would have a low threshold for reporting the voices to her docs if that continues. In med school we were taught that auditory hallucinations were always psychogenic (visual, in contrast, can be drug induced). Makes me wonder if you could be dealing with Lewy Body dementia for example.
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Did the organization include weekly pill organizers? Take a look at them on Amazon or at the pharmacy. Bottom line is you may need to be in control of meds "secretly".
M1 is spot on. You will never be able to count on previous behavior. From now on you will rely on work-arounds and we can share a lot of those with you.
A Thought...offering to help may threaten her independence.
Judith
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Some of the pills were in pill organizers, others were in labeled plastic bags, and more were still in the bottles. The other problem was that these packages/bottles were not all in the same place.
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Please be careful about traveling, local or otherwise, with pills not in their pharmacy bottles with prescription labels. This can cause you big headaches if for some reason you are stopped by police, as it is illegal.
It sounds like she is no longer able to take responsibility for meds. One thing others have done is to make it a joint activity...sitting down together to take meds (for you tic tacs if no meds).
It also sounds like she is on a significant number of meds. It may be time to make a list of each med, dosage size, and times to review with her PCP or other physician...especially if she is being prescribed meds by multiple doctors.
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I would agree that she should no longer be managing her meds without your oversight. I remember the day I belatedly came to that realization for my wife...
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Previously, I had set up a little spreadsheet showing the med. name, dosage, purpose and then 2 columns, one for am and one for pm. I kept a copy in his wallet, my wallet and the "pill drawer." I used to set alarms on his phone and this worked well for awhile.
That worked well for several years. One day my DH ask if I would take over his medication management because he didn't feel he would do it correctly. Then he forgot how to use his phone, as well.
Maybe you could ask her if she would like for you to take over that responsibility. She may be willing to give it up if it is presented as a choice. Giving choices gives one a sense of control.
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I suggested to her that we do the meds together with me recording when she takes them. So far she's resisted saying that she has to take one early in the morning (3AM) (she's been doing this for years, nothing new). She had thyroid cancer in 2007 and needs to take synthentic thyroid meds before any other meds.
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We are in the early stages and currently have a diagnosis of MCI. DH was resistant to me helping with meds at first because he wanted to “remember” as much as he could. He no longer manages his own medication. I use a pill organizer and if I haven’t refilled it he will come get me to get his medication for him
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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