Done

wose

M1

One of the hardest losses is that your previous source of solace is now the source of your pain, but by no fault of his own, and now you have to turn elsewhere for support. It is good that you are turning here, it's not perfect, but it will help. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You can't fix this for him. You did not cause this; he has a terrible disease. That is not your fault and it is not his fault.

I know you've been tasked with a lot in a short period of time, but seeking counseling for yourself may need to happen sooner rather than later. Especially if he is being hard on you. You do not need to be his punching bag. I would call that physicians assistant back and report his behaviors-sometimes videos or even audio recordings may help to document-and ask for medication to tamp down his aggression and agitation.

Denise1847

Please follow M1's advice. Also, I think it would be a good idea to ask your doctor for antidepressant. It will help you but it will take approximately 3 weeks to see a difference. I totally relate to the crying all of the time. It is very scary to not be able to control your emotions so much that you become disabled. I am sending you a virtual hug. You are not alone - we are on this journey with you.

housefinch

Please take care of yourself. You don’t have to cry 3 hours straight. I agree with seeing your doctor or a counselor or both. I had to seek support for myself (I’m not a direct caregiver but have a close family member with dementia) because I am juggling a stressful situation with the dementia situation and a parenting and eventual caregiving situation with 1 of my children. You deserve to feel better than crying for hours daily. Sending you hugs and strength.

harshedbuzz

I'm so sorry.

Please extend yourself some grace. The situation in which you find yourself is especially difficult in part because of the urgency around taking steps that your DH cannot understand and is reacting on a visceral level. You're drinking from a fire hose while being attacked for making difficult but loving decisions. It is all hard stuff.

Please consider some medication to dial back the aggressive behavior. There are meds that can help his anxiety and anger without sedating him which will improve quality of life for both of you. I did send dad's geriatric psychiatrist a video once of him acting up because dad was so charming in the office I don't think the doc believed what I was reporting.

And do consider help for yourself. One of the first things I did when dad was diagnosed and mom was struggling (she was sad and angry; one of dad's dementias was caused by years of alcohol use), was find her her own psychiatrist, talk therapist and in-person support group (she's not tech savvy). Mom's doctor gave her a low dose SSRI which helped her feel less reactive to the situation. IMO, supporting the caregiver is the best thing one can do for a PWD.

HB

CindyBum

I was crying so much in the early stages, even I finally got a therapist and a low dose of an anti depressant. Totally life changing and both saved me. I still sad and cry occasionally, but I can see past my overwhelm now and plan/take action when I need to. I’d make that a priority.