Only child emotionally struggling with mom forgetting my birthday

Amanda Grant

Hello,

I'm relatively new here, and mom has been in memory care for about a year now, I'd guess she's in mod stage 5 so still knows who people are. I'm a 39 year old only child and I've struggled this year with the holidays and my birthday (Dec 28th) knowing that mom won't remember my birthday and that she didn't recognize/enjoy Christmas like she used to. (Christmas was our holiday & favorite time of year). I have a really great support system of friends and In-laws but they're just not my parents/blood relatives. I'm trying my best to remember it's the disease and mom wouldn't want me to be sad and to look at and embrace the support I do have but it's sooo hard!

M1

Happy birthday. You have in fact already lost your mom in this regard, and all holidays have the downside of reinforcing that loss. Maybe you can come up with something you'd like to start as a new tradition? You might think about it. I had the misfortune to lose my dad the Saturday before Thanksgiving and four years later, my mother on Christmas night, so this time of year is very laden for me. Years ago I decided to try to ease that burden by starting a new practice (reading together with my children on Christmas Eve). We have now been doing that for over 20 years and it has indeed become a tradition precious to all of us and now being passed on to my granddaughters too. think about it... And best wishes for a healthy, happy 2024.

tlirad2021

Happy birthday! Thinking of you! Also an only child taking care of my mom whose birthday was 2 days ago. It’s hard.

JeriLynn66

Happy Birthday and warm hugs ❤️

harshedbuzz

Happy Birthday.

I am sorry your mom's dementia has progressed to the point she no longer observes and enjoys holidays as she once did. That hurts. My dad always called me on my birthday at 8:32am (when I was born) to sing. I didn't always appreciate the gesture-- like if I was at work or sleeping in. But the first year he didn't I felt the loss more strongly than I expected.

HB

DCCEPEK

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67572/only-child-emotionally-struggling-with-mom-forgetting-my-birthday

It's hard and only continues to digress. We're stage 6 plus and it's hard. My husband and I are 65 and it's killing us. One day at a time.

mommyandme (m&m)

One of the more emotional things for me was my mom missing birthdays for her grandchildren and Christmas. She was always there for these traditions. I started getting things for the kids “from her” so they didn’t feel the loss too. Although mom forgot my name and, of course, my birthday, she somehow knew I was important and special to her throughout our journey. That carried me and helped me appreciate where she was so I could meet her there. We must accept the changes so we can adjust to them, since our LO cannot. Harder said than done, a lot, but helpful for us.

I understand your heartache and am very sorry you’re here, but glad you came. Keep coming back.

JJPups

I'm my mom's youngest and only daughter. For me it was when my mom stopped calling me (already 3 - 4 years ago). Mom was one of the few people in my life who regularly called to check on me. Usually 1 - 2 X a week. Not many people in my life do that any more. Still there are times when she tells me "be careful" or "are you leaving now?" when I'm leaving from a visit and so I know there is still a piece of my mom (the person who always looked out for me) that is there.