it's stressful

emhanson

My mother has dementia. My father is easily confused, and has congestive heart failure. They refuse to leave their home. My sister and I live hours away from them. They have both become incontinent. They are in their late 80's. My sister (and her daughter, who is a nurse at Mayo) found a palliative care doctor who drives 60 miles from Eau Claire to their home to provide help. The palliative care doctor said that they should have 24/7 care. My father resists all attempts at help. He would prefer that my sister and I would go to them and provide nursing services. My sister is caring for her granddaughters and my husband had a quintuple bypass and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. We called their county ADRC Health Department and they determined that it was OK to leave them at home alone. Mom can't cook or drive. Dad expects her to do both. It smelled so bad in that house when I was there last that I couldn't wait to get out of there. Dad takes off with mom when my sister arranges for the doctor and caregivers to visit, so they aren't home. I know he is never going to take responsibility for his or moms care. I vacillate between anxiety and anger. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. He is very sarcastic. Mom just listens in on speaker phone and says a few words now and then. She doesn't take phone calls anymore because she is not sure who she is talking to. Sorry to just vent, but I have no one else to tell this to.

M1

You and your sister need to file for guardianship if they will not grant you power of attorney. So sorry....

DCCEPEK

It is terribly difficult process for all involved. Keep trying and follow M1 she's helped me understand many things. Keep reading and posting. We're here

psg712

I am so sorry for your struggle. Yes, sometimes you just have to step in and decide for them. They don't have capacity to understand what they need. If no one has power of attorney, guardianship is needed.