Advice Please…Feeling discouraged & Alone

TU2823

i would appreciate some feedback regarding my mom with dementia. I’ve posted before about how to manage certain things with her, but today it’s more about me. I’m struggling with family concerns as it relates to others…not my mom, but she is who I would normally reach out to for advice and to listen. This is not possible as I’ve learned from this forum that it’s best to not discuss what doesn’t need discussing- so incredibly helpful!! My daughter is having some urgent medical/mental health struggles and I feel like I can’t talk to mom about it- it would be way to confusing for her and I wouldn’t want her to worry. She wouldn’t understand and then I’d be worried about her. I rely on God- I’m very faithful and pray for His guidance. I feel very alone, helpless, discouraged and want to find solutions now….even though this will take time. If anyone has any ideas/thoughts/websites/other forums where I can get help with these feelings and above all- help my daughter- I would be so grateful. Sorry I know this is not as much about dementia as it’s about myself- sorry for being selfish, I just feel that if I can get my family issues figured out, I’m able to be more understanding and patient for my mom. It’s so hard when people think me and my family are doing well- I can easily fake that, but I feel like it’s always something. Don’t get me wrong- I’m beyond thankful for my blessings- God has blessed us always- sometimes days are just tough. I want to be a better mom, daughter, wife and Christian. Praying for a wonderful peaceful 2024. I’m praying for answers. I wish I already knew what to do or say but I haven’t been very good at that lately. Thanks for listening! It helps just to write this out and get my thoughts down and hopefully will have some great insight from someone- thanks again!!

M1

Sorry you (and your daughter) are struggling-dementia is so consuming, but all of us have other family members who also need us and whom we also worry about, and it all resonates back and forth in our hearts and minds. The burdens are cumulative for us caregivers, and you are not alone in sometimes feeling overwhelmed. Especially if your loved one with dementia used to be a major part of your support system. I pray your daughter gets the help she needs with a good outcome-and i wish you strength and peace of mind. This forum is here to help....

vilmag07

I know how you feel, I'm also a believer. Focus on the one that has the power to heal your daughter and solve all the problems first, declare his promises and believe he will take care of your problems. I have my mother with dementia also, I had no idea what was Alzheimer's dementia, unfortunately I found out the hard way. I was getting affected emotionally and physically, barely see my husband and on top, some of my mothers nieces and nephew who refuse to believe that my mother has dementia are creating hell. She only talks about Puerto Rico, she is very advanced in age and other health issues, I'm the only daughter, they encouraged her that she can go back and that can take care of herself, they don't see her physically, it's only over the phone, after that my mother gets very angry and aggressive towards me.at this point I decided to seek legal help, and keep my peace. I refuse to let this take over my life

darcytg

I share your desire to have solutions now. This all seems to be a 'hurry up and wait process" from my experience.

I appreciate you sharing and find it not at all selfish. They family and others who care aspects are diffucult.

My LO has always relied on me to tell her the truth and this disease makes that aspect of our relationship strained. I know she wants to know and I know she'll loop, worry and stress knowing....which makes her strain to "try" then very tired.

Or am I just projecting what I imagine is happening for her?

Glad you shared. Sending peace and grace energy your way.

fmb

Like you, I was relying heavily on my mother for advice and guidance, especially as related to DH's dementia. My mother cared for my father for many years at home and then in MC before he died from ALZ in 2019. Three weeks ago my mother's own relatively mild dementia suddenly advanced greatly. Medical causes have been ruled out. She is in AL, and my brother is overseeing her affairs and care. She will be evaluated and most likely receiving some sort of dementia diagnosis in January. An important source of strength and advice has been taken from me, and I feel the loss greatly.

Regarding your daughter's problems, are there online forums that address her conditions? The National Alliance on Mental Health has a website (NAMI.org) with various resources and might be a place to start.

As has been repeatedly brought home to me during my DH's journey, God's time is not our time, however hard that is to accept. I pray and try to keep my mind open to the opportunities and people that He places in my path, though it is often difficult to discern the best course of action. I hope you find appropriate resources to support you and your daughter on your journeys.

TU2823

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments, support and advice. This forum has helped me tremendously! It’s so nice to be able to just say what’s on my mind without judgement and at the same time get advice and feel so much better reading about your situations as well. This is such a journey for our LOs and for us as a family. I’m thankful that we can learn from each other. God is good!

eaglemom

Have you thought about group support? Before we started this dementia journey I had a picture in my mind of what group support meant - and I couldn't have been more wrong. I was very, and I mean very hesitant but I tried it. I walked out feeling like at least someone heard me even though I never said one thing! After attending several meeting I felt secure enough to share a little, and only then did I start to feel like myself.

I realize this situation is somewhat different, but is it really? You need a support system to talk with. Do some searches and see what you can find out. Many groups still are virtual. so that should help you.

We want to help both you and your mother.

eagle