Tell me the obvious bc I am depleted

darcytg

My LO isn't safe to be alone per dr.

I have been dx with pneumonia and need to heal or will end up in hospital or worse.

My LO's POA plans to call her and suggest she stay with her POA a few days while I am contagious.

This is a necessity, right?

Wow. I hear myself as I write and am pseudo feeling okay bc of treatments and have so much fear and guilt and worry.

Thanks for being real with me.

CindyBum

Definitely necessary.

Wish you a speedy recovery.

mrahope

You sure sound real to me. I'm sorry you're so sick. If the doctor says your LO cannot be left alone then you have no choice but to find someone else to care for her. If you give her an illness you will be in much worse shape than you are now.

TBH, this is why we moved to be nearer family members. I got into a situation where my DH was sick and realized I almost couldn't get him to the doctor's office because I couldn't lift him and he was very weak. I wondered what would happen if I were to come down with it. It's not a solution everyone has open to himself/herself, but at some point you have to do this so you can "live to fight another day". And I know, it's a marathon not a sprint.

Do take care. Let us know how you're doing as you (hopefully) recover.

ghphotog

I hope you recover soon. That is my biggest worry and fear this tiime of year. With were my DW is at now I know there is no way I could take care of her if I'm sick or encapacitated somehow."

I try to be so cautious. I sanitize my hands after I touch anything and everything all day long. That really worries me, getting the flu or being very sick for a couple of weeks. It would truly make the hell I'm in now very much hotter.

jfkoc

!!!!!RIGHT!!!!!

harshedbuzz

In all forms of caregiving, it is essential to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Fully recuperating is the best thing you can do for your LO.

HB

Beachfan

I had pneumonia back in "95. I was not hospitalized; caught just in time to be treated in the ER and discharged home with medication. I had a full family to help me, no PWD to care for, and was wiped out for a solid week on bedrest. You cannot care for your LO. Your LO's POA should not "suggest" she stay with LO while you are recuperating; POA should insist. Take care of yourself and get well soon!!!

Mint

If you don’t take good care of yourself recovery could take longer and become more complicated.

darcytg

Stressful times here today.

My LO's POA is due to arrive in an hour.

I'm trying to rest and let everything but the safety and sanitation issues slide.

My LO is in a mix of very present and completely confused and looping. Off our routine and stressed about leaving her home and me being ill.

Went through a round this morning where everything was my fault and I didn't have it to give with grace. She felt demeaned. And feels she's being discarded.

I'm so ill and tired and sad and really dislike this disease. My LO's a beautiful han and I'm scared.

ButterflyWings

The POA needs to scoop her up, and leave post haste. You need R&R, and no further worries whatsoever. Blame it on being contagious if you must, but the reality is you are ill and need a break to recover. Since you seem to be the primary caregiver as I am, I get it. If you can't recuperate, the whole house of cards comes tumbling down and they will have a different kind of problem -- finding a way to replace you for longer, or forever. Can't have that!

So, the POA should fabricate some wonderful getaway plan instead of chit chatting or trying to convince the PWD, and just go. Your health and comfort are the priority right now. Feel better soon!

harshedbuzz

@darcytg said:

My LO is in a mix of very present and completely confused and looping. Off our routine and stressed about leaving her home and me being ill.

Care and oversight need to be appropriate for your LO at her worst. POA has an obligation to provide that level of care as the POA. Full stop. They need to make it happen by whatever means necessary.

HB

Jgirl57

Hope you feel better soon.

ImMaggieMae

I can only imagine the stress you’re feeling right now. But you need to recover for her sake as well as your own. Trust that her POA will keep things under control and everything will be fine. You need to relax and heal, a tall order, I know. I’ll be praying for your speedy recovery.

darcytg

Thank you to everyone who responded.

I am healing and have returned to my home halfway across the country.

As I am quasi better and have had a real night's sleep (first in 2 1/2 months) I am now in guiltville. I know I stepped up in a difficult situation in very trying times and I know I would have declined further healthwise had I stayed. Still, I feel I have abandoned one I love at an incredibly vulnerable and change laden time. When I spoke very briefly with my LO today, I could hear the "scared" in her voice.

I know her POA will act in her best interests and I know she has a friend who's wonderful with emotional support....and I am grateful for those relationships in my LO's life.

For those of you who have people who care that live far away, what do you suggest I do to support my relationship with my LO?

Phone is hard for her beyond a brief "hi, how are you" conversation, most of the time. I plan to mail cards and notes and it just all seems only "one way" possibilities. Without being able to hold her hand or listen as things come up, I realize my connection will likely be lost.

The grief feels too heavy for me right now.

ThisLife

I'm glad you have gotten some rest and are healing. We all lose connection with LO as DM progress. Your LOs "scared" will happen with any change and cannot be avoided. Taking care of yourself was a necessary change that couldn't be avoided. I understand the "guilt." Be gentle with yourself.

I just watched a Teepa Snow video. A small part was about long-distance caring giving/support. Being able to see you as well as hear you is better than just audio. You could use Zoom, WebEx, Skype, or Facetime which I have used over the years. I'm sure there are others I don't know about.

You will still do the heavy lifting in the conversation. (I've come to realize since placing my H in MC that most of our communication/conversation was me chattering about what was happening in real time.) If you can get a heads up about what has happened recently you might have more to chatter about even if your LO was doesn't remember it. Having something to chatter about before visiting is an avenue I'm going to explore. I wish you the best in efforts to keep a connection with your LO as long as possible.

darcytg

Thank you.