ER Visit for Mom

Gigi S

Over the last week, my mom has been insisting to go to the ER. She claims someone told her she is going to die if she doesn’t go, and is complaining of pain (does not indicate where) but then goes about like all is well. I’ve checked her out to see if there was anything visually abnormal in the area she says she feels pain, but everything looks fine.

Yesterday, when I went to see her, she became immediately aggressive upon seeing me and started shouting at me hostile words and how I wish she were dead. I tried asking her why she was saying that, and she said it is because I refuse to take her to the ER. Mother has seen the doctor recently and was given a clean bill of health (of course minus her diagnosis).

Im wondering if I should just give in and take her to the ER. Currently we are looking for a home aide or nurse as her brother who was taking care of her has had to rush back to Argentina for a family issue over there. She becomes very irritated and aggressive at ER waiting rooms, but since she wont keep asking me and berating me about the ER for 4 days now, I’m unsure she will ever stop.

Gigi S

in trying to take her to a dentist appt recently, she didnt understand how to let them take xrays and instead got very upset to which they asked us to leave. Not sure if the ER would even be able to check her out as she just doesnt understand anymore.

Emily 123

Hi Gigi--UTI, maybe? Could you run her in to see her own doctor instead? Might be easier and you could also discuss her behaviors with them and see if they can prescribe her something for the aggression.

Quilting brings calm

Tell her she has to see her own doctor first before being allowed in the ER since she’s not bleeding - due to the high rate of flu, RSV, and covid. Request that the doctor give her some medication to calm her anxiety

I will be taking my step-father to the doctor on Monday for what will basically be an appeasement appointment. He told me yesterday that ‘everything hurts’ and he wanted to go to the PCP. He complained about his shoulder - that’s an old issue that cannot be fixed, just maintained via PT. He supposedly tweaked his lower side getting out of bed a FEW WEEKS ago - but never mentioned it to me. He did not request to go to the ER or Urgent Care then or now. If he wanted to go to Urgent Care, he would drive himself there without telling me - it’s a mile from the AL. The nurse at the AL knew about it, and says he’s been fine - actually more active and engaged than usual. I was unable to take him tomorrow morning because I have an appointment of my own, and the doctor is not in tomorrow afternoon, so we scheduled for Monday.

The real issue is that Mom has been receiving more attention due to her injuries falling out a bed a month ago( the day before my own surgery) and I haven’t been there as much due to my knee replacement … so he wants to be paid attention to. That comes straight from the AL nurse and I am in agreement. However my spouse wants us to go south for a few weeks once I get released from PT to avoid snow and ice - I do not need to fall due to my knee replacement and osteoporosis. So I’m taking dad to the doctor in order to keep him happy.

Edited to add: Re-reading this makes me feel guilty and sound uncaring. I’m just not dealing with these two very well right now. I’m so tired of being the only adult to too many people.

Anonymousjpl123

Yes, I agree with others. If you can get an appointment with a local doctor, it can’t hurt. And it IS worth having her checked for a UTI. My mom had one about 6 months ago; people at her MC get them all the time. If you can’t find someone who can take her relatively soon, you could also take her to urgent care but I wouldn’t recommend it. It will heighten her anxiety. see if you can get her in first. Even though she had her checkup, you can say you want them to check for the UTI. Then you can keep reminding her of the upcoming appt.

psg712

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193560#Comment_193560

I can totally relate to your comment: "tired of being the only adult to too many people," and I have a very supportive husband! And a sister who does what she can, but she's not local. The bottom line, though, is that ultimately the hard decisions, the conversations with doctors and care staff, the communication with long distance family, the myriad of big and little tasks, all fall on one main caregiver. You are not uncaring; you are exhausted.

Gigi S

Very insightful responses from everyone. I ended up taking her to primary care today. She’s completely fine, definitely just an attention thing. She became hostile and aggressive in the waiting room, I had to restrain her with a family friend. Doctor noticed and recommended a home. She is getting admitted to a memory care unit tomorrow! Patient coordinator told me, “you can just be her daughter now”, I broke down into tears. It’s such a bittersweet feeling, but it had gotten to the point that I could not do this alone as I have my own daughter and family to look after too. She has six siblings and no one wanted to help with her care. Just couldn’t do it any longer, I’ve delayed so much of my personal experiences of going to grad school and more. Hoping for an easier 2024 now.

M1

good news, nothing for you to feel bad about. Let us know how it goes. That's pretty fast work!

Gigi S

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194412#Comment_194412

I was honestly shocked at how fast she worked! Had only left the doctor’s office 2 hrs prior and received the admittance call. Thank you for your affirmation x

Will keep y’all posted!

Anonymousjpl123

So happy you were able to find placement - I hope you can get some well deserved rest!