Not my home

pwl

How do you make your DW aware that you are fighting to keep them out of an institution and keep them home and t hey are making that very difficult?

ButterflyWings

You can't. Just find fiblets and workarounds to do what is necessary if home is really the best place for her. It isn't always the case, through no fault of the spouse or other caregiver.

Google anosognosia. And learn as much as possible about dementia to understand that you can't reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Their brains are dying, damaged, and continuing to deteriorate. Not a pretty reality but it is the only "truth" in this situation unfortunately.

We understand what you are going through, and how you feel because it is "been there, done that" for many members and this forum was the lifeline. I'm so sorry you and your DW are going through this. Wishing you peace in the storm.

M1

Hi PWL. You probably can't, because you cannot reason with someone with dementia. I had this situation with my partner--the last thing she ever wanted was to be in any group living situation, yet she was also completely resistant to having help at home and had (still has) anosognosia, such that she cannot appreciate that there is anything wrong with her. It proved impossible to find home help in our rural area anyway (much less any that was covid vaccinated, as we are both at risk), so that she ended up in memory care 20 months ago. Nothing I could possibly have done to change the outcome. She still tells me pretty much at every visit that she's tired of being there and only wants to be with me. Fortunately, she has no sense of time, such that she doesn't realize how long she's been there, and we continue to tell her that she's there for physical therapy and rehab after hospitalization (which is vaguely true). I comfort myself with the (also vague) truth that one of these days I will bring her home--though it is likely to be her ashes.