Repetitive questions

NYCheryl

How do you deal with the repetitive questions? My DH is driving me nuts. He will ask the same question 8 times or more in the course of 15 or 20 mins. Then later it will start all over. I know it is not his fault but my patience is wearing thin. I have my own health problems (Pancreatic cancer) which he is oblivious to( no fault of his). I do everything now and am so stressed. I am 77 and have cared for 2 children with severe disabilities. I cared for both our aging parents. I am tired. I just don't have the patience and I feel so guilty because I am not dealing with it well. He doesn't think he has a problem and often asks why he can't drive. He is classified with mixed dementia vascular plus ALZ in moderate level. I believe he is stage 5. He has been told several times by dr but doesn't remember. Short term memory is gone. What to do?

Drapper

NYCheryl - I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have been through a lot in your life, and understandably, are feeling overwhelmed. I don’t have a perfect answer for you. If you were here with me I would give you a hug. Please don’t feel guilty for how you feel. The situation is heartbreaking, and you are doing the best you can. I have found that acceptance vs resistance brings me some mental relief to the never ending questions and frustrating behaviors. My DH is in a similar place as yours. He has always not recognized any issues, but that’s okay. I think to do so would destroy him.

Your own health issues , with no empathy from him , is very upsetting for sure. I’m so sorry you are dealing with that too. I hope you can get some respite for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and come up with a plan moving forward to deal with your health and your DHs situation. You are a survivor, you have overcome major difficulties in the past. You are strong and you will find that strength again to get through your current reality. 🙏

I have found Careblazers’s by Dr Natali Edmunds very helpful to me I joined about 6 months ago and am in a better place. I think the program could help you too. I wish you the best.

Dio

NYCheryl, if you do a search on "repetitive questions" you may find many postings offering experience and possible relief/remedies on this topic. It's so sad but a very common symptom for PWD.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67667/repetitive-questions

I’m sure that with your own health issues, you are even more stressed, exhausted and have less patience. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you. I’ve learned to just pretend it’s the first time I’ve been asked that question. It helps me keep it together and not get frustrated. There are times, I admit, that irritation can creep into my voice. I will also admit I have gone into the garage, got in my car with all the windows up and screamed. I know that in itself sounds bonkers, but it really does help release any pent up emotion. Please make your own health the priority, you are important and fighting cancer when overwhelmed is more difficult. You deserve a big hug.

M1

This is the issue that first brought me to the forum in 2021. No great answers though. I am so sorry you are facing so much. Have to ask, do you have a plan for his care if you become unable to care for him? You deserve some peace and ability to deal with your own health......

avieDa921)

NY Cheryl, I have dealt with repetitive questions for 6 years now and how I handle it is after the 3rd time I would say, I have to put a load of wash in, or I have to go to the bathroom, etc, I’ll be right back. After I was gone for awhile & came back he forgot what he was asking or saying. I might also ask him to do something for me which would get his mind off what he was thinking & focus on the chore!

It is hard to deal with all the things that come with dementia for us caregivers, especially with those who have health problems! Sorry you have to go through this! Most important, take care of yourself!! Best Wishes!!

NYCheryl

Thank you all for the wonderful support and suggestions. I will take them all to heart.

To answer M1's question because of our situation with our girls I have always been a planner. We have no other immediate family that can help so we have professionals that will take over. I am thinking about putting him on a waitlist for memory care unit/nursing home just in case. My plan is to keep him home and bring in help when needed.

It sure is nice to have someone to talk with. Thank you all.

GiGi1963

NY Cheryl, the repetitive questions are probably the most annoying type of torture I can imagine. I try answering in a matter of fact voice and after I can't take it anymore. I tell him he has one more question left! He will try again but I am nice but firm and ask him to give it a break. This works sometimes. Otherwise I scream in the shower. It does seem to subside as the disease progresses. More sleep, less questions. Take care of you. Sending big hug.

annahowie

Good Morning NY Cheryl - the constant questions sometimes makes me want to just scream. Dealing with your personal health on top of that makes it even more difficult. I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer last year and the most difficult part was not being able to take to my DH about how I felt and my fears because he just couldn't process the information. His short term memory is virtually gone so the questions are constant.

Every time it starts I just answer them and after a few minutes of this I try to get him to focus on something else or I "go fold laundry" or something and typically by the time I come back in the room he doesn't remember. Make sure you are taking care of YOU as well - sending you peace and love