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mjd42970
mjd42970 Member Posts: 2
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My mom is currently in an assisted living facility. She has been diagnosed with ALZ and has been living with it for about 4 years now. I live in another city and my mom lives in the same city as my brother who is the main care giver at the moment. The assisted living facility is about 4k per month. The Memory care unit in the same community more like 6K per month.

What questions should we ask to know when it's going to be time for her to move from the current situation into the memory care unit?

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  • Anonymousjpl123
    Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 729
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    I would ask what kind of services they have available, and what is included in the $6k cost? Is there a doctor or nurse on staff, how often do they see residents, is this included? How many residents are on the unit(s), what is the maximum number ? Do they have OT/PT services? What types of activities do they have? Are there other family members you could talk to? What do they do when someone is really struggling? How will they communicate with you, and will you be able to call and see how she is doing? How frequently will they connect with you about her, especially if issues come up?

    I have to admit, I did ask a lot of questions but truthfully seeing the place was what mattered to me most. And the people. Meeting the staff. Watching them interact with other residents. I hope this helps. I know it’s hard not being there in person.

  • Emily 123
    Emily 123 Member Posts: 872
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    edited January 2024

    Short answer--when your mother's needs outstrip what the AL staff can provide. Or if the AL care plan becomes so labor intensive that it costs more than MC. So things like the AL staff cannot keep her or her room clean, or keep her engaged because she needs more focused interactions, or she physically declines to where she needs more help to get up and get around, or she needs assistance with toileting, eating, hygeine beyond what they can provide at the AL level. You should check what level of care the MC can provide. Some places consider the need for hand feeding a skilled nursing requirement, some MC's consider the use of a Hoyer lift or a difficult two person transfer 'skilled nursing'. I ask them what percent of their MC residents transfer out to skilled nursing.

  • VickiSS
    VickiSS Member Posts: 2
    First Comment
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    Thanks, but I'm looking for some insight on how to have the "you can't live alone" conversation.
  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Hi vicki. Short answer may seem harsh, but honestly: you don't have the conversation. She won't be able to process it. Hard and counterintuitive as it is, you just make the move, and really you make it without any advance warning or discussion. You can try excuses, like the room needing repairs or some such. But saying you can't live alone will not compute and will only upset her.

    I faced something similar when my partner transferred from one MC to another last spring. We just took her with no discussion. She did not like being left the first day, but she forgot it quickly and the staff handled it. She had no memory of the first facility and hasn't mentioned it ever.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more