How Busy Is Too Busy?

rplourde50

My 64 year old wife is fairly recently diagnosed and we are slowly working on getting in place various things we have to do to cope and keep her healthy and happy. Lots of recommendations for activities: social outings, cognitive games, exercise, etc. Also, getting a respite care provider so that I can get out sometimes and do my things. Trouble is she isn't yet ready to acknowledge the need to engage in Alzheimer's ameliating activities. Left to her own devices she'd rather just putter around the house and yard. She also thinks she can stay alone, which she can for a couple of hours but not for daylong periods. How much should I push her to get into some of these activities? How much is too much? I appreciate insights!

Bill_2001

Hi rplourde50,

Puttering around the house and yard are just fine for your wife. My dear wife is in Stage 6, flirting with Stage 7. I would be very happy if my wife still had the desire to do most things at all.

You asked "How Busy Is Too Busy?" This is a question for yourself more so than for your dear wife. Trust me, you will soon be busy every minute of the day. Space out activities: I have discovered that a 50/50 balance of activity and rest is about right for myself. I try to keep her "fed, safe, and happy."

Activities are wonderful for someone with dementia, but your loved one can also be over stimulated. For reference, my wife attends day care 3 days per week. I work full time, and she stays home with me the other days. Some days she is active 8 hours a day. My definition of "active" has also declined over the years. She can no longer understand games or puzzles, but I will play music and she sings along. I take her for walks and car rides. We visit friends. We watch movies together, although she does not follow the plot.

You will slowly adapt activities to your wife's condition and stage.

All the best,

Bill_2001

wizmo

You will learn to accept her wherever she is comfortable. At some point she will lose the ability to self direct and you will be the 24 hour cruise director if you don’t have help or take her to day care. For day care you might present it as a volunteering opportunity and get her familiar with the place so she will feel normal going there and ease into receiving care as she needs it more. If you have access to any kind of memory cafe that offers guided activities for PWD and caregivers, they do a good job facilitating portions of time together/separate. At 64 you/she may feel “too young” among any group, the majority of afflicted people are elderly vs EO For my DW diagnosed at 52 now 59 she recognizes these groups are not her age cohort and feels out of place, so not much success trying to get her involved in anything except 1:1 care or with people she already knew.

rplourde50

Thanks! Both insights are helpful to me.