What to say so I don't trigger worse reaction

annie51

My DH and I went home for Christmas for a couple of days to visit my family. Every day before we left he asked multiple times when we were going and I would answer with how many more days before we leave. We flew up there, had a nice Christmas (only a few instances where I had to calm him down in the hotel) and flew home. Less than a week later he asked when were going up. I told him we already did and he thought I either went without him, didn't tell him where we were, etc. He was quite angry with me because he was looking forward to it. I didn't know what to say - I've heard that you need to accept their reality but I didn't know how to do that. I can't say, "we're going next week". He brought it up again a few days ago and I tried to change the subject as quickly as I could. What to say?

Quilting brings calm

I would make up an excuse as to why you DIDN’T go- you had a cold, he had a cold, someone there has one etc. Tell him you got vouchers for the plane for next year. Show him how long it is before next Christmas. Repeat as needed.

Since he doesn’t remember going, a fiblet about why you didn’t go might fit better with his version of events.

wizmo

This happens to me in various forms - when are we going to do xyz having already done it. The answer is usually some fiblet with acknowledgment it is coming soon. If it’s eating lunch I have to offer a small snack and tell her dinner is coming in a little while. If it’s visiting a friend I might pretend to check a calendar and say it’s tomorrow, or make an excuse like something came up. for the other people, they had to postpone to next week. Trying to correct them is counterproductive; they are incapable of reasoning and cannot accept they are wrong. You just have to accept an alternate reality and pretend to go along with it. When I started doing this the arguments diffused and life got a tiny bit easier.

Ed1937

Agree with Quilting. And if he asks when you are going again, just tell him they had to have some major work done on their foundation, and had to live in a hotel for a while. You can go after the work is done, but it's going to take a while.