Take your party elsewhere redirect

ClarkEb

We had a somewhat normal day under the circumstances. A few trip to take my spouse ‘home’. Ran a couple of errands, as we do to help the day go by. Pre-Dinner trip was to daughters farm, where she got to visit with daughter and granddaughter. Made two post-dinner trips. The last one after a quiet discussion in our bedroom so as to not disturb the others in the house (none) we decided it would be better if we completed our trip and went home where we could sleep in our own beds. Trip completed. Straightening up before bed, talking about the dog sleeping on her bed. Spouse went to the bedroom, came back and announced: “You re going to have to take the party somewhere else, i have kids and adults to put to bed.” After a few attempts, i realized she was telling me i would have to go and take the people in the living room. Asked if her husband was here, because he asked me over because i wanted to borrow one of his tools or get a report for work.Received a hearty “BYE” and a wave as i left. Our daughter had called when i told her what was up. She asked for me a couple of times. I had gone outside took of my coat and waited a few minutes and came back in. I was ME again.

Question: How can one redirect a person when these things happen? This was the first time something like this happened. It is usually after repeated “where have the parents gone” (both deceased) and I cannot provide anything other than ‘visiting friends/family/church meetings or went away for the weekend/day” or a phone number where they can be reached or the note they left, ‘they always leave a note’. Sometimes works, sometimes not. And, short story, i am asked to leave. Again daughters intervention and a trip outside and back resolve things.

I am getting used to not being recognized, it is happening more often than not later in the day (sundowining). But, dread the time when I am asked to leave and cannot recover. Anyways, any thoughts would be appreciated. I will check back as best as I can. Thank you.

ButterflyWings

Seroquel is the only thing that quelled my DH's delusions and hallucinations. I too, have had to leave the room, change my shirt or sweater, put my hair in a ponytail or take it down, and re-enter the room to help "flip the switch". Sometimes, all you can do is wait. I spent a really HOT almost unbreathable hour in the garage one time when barricaded the door after locking me out - until he forgot about the standoff, walked away and I was able to let myself in (I NEVER am without my keys or cell phone and charger). He wandered into the room a few minutes later, all smiles wondering where I'd been and telling me about the stalker lady who had tried to break in. (!)

It would be hilarious if our experiences like this one only weren't so painful for us and serious (and anxiety ridden) for our LOs. I mean, she had a classic line there..."you'll have to take the party elsewhere". My DH's was "how did you get in here? (3am) and..."you'd better be gone when I wake up!" - not quite as catchy. But the same meaning. I'm sorry you went through that. Glad your DD can help.

Note, if this is a sudden change, have you had her checked for a UTI? Silent urinary tract infections show no other symptoms, but the extreme behavior really ramps up.

M1

agree with the recommendation for medication. seroquel or risperidone (Risperdal) are the two most usually prescribed. Probably not a lot you can do to manage it behaviorally otherwise, though it sounds like you did the best you could.

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193793#Comment_193793

On one of the events, i got in quite a bit of trouble of being so late getting home. And one does have to look at some of these events with a little humor. Thank you.

Pathfinder52

I've seen caregivers (in facility settings) simply change their shirt and return within minutes and be completely accepted as a welcome person -- not the one the person with dementia sent away! So, perhaps changing your sweater, adding a hat, keeping a hoodie nearby could help your case. Also, I agree, when the delusions get deep and thick, it is important to have medications on hand!

Wishing you creative solutions!

--p

ClarkEb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194054#Comment_194054

Thank you. Amazed at how that works, sometimes without changing anything. We (daughters and I) came up with: one will call and ask for DAD. While I leave and return.

ClarkEb

At this time medications are a difficult option. Souse does not take vitamins or medications, unless I have time to mix with something and even then there is some suspicion if not offered with other food. Seems out of place to her. Retired RN, spent career in geriatrics. Knows all the tricks. Mixing medications poses a problem. There is one medication, Keppra, that cannot be added to anything even in liquid form. According to pharmacy. Onwards!