Being asked: "Why so glum?"

dancsfo

When a LO & PWD asks me why I look so glum, I don't want to truthfully answer why. I admire those who are able to stay chipper in light of all challenges. I think I am unable to hide my feelings well. I think a PWD can detect emotional state well, and if I say I'm OK, it may result in even more concern. Maybe I ought to make up some minor story or fib (I lost something that I liked or tore a favorite shirt) so I can move the conversation forward and elsewhere. I think I can repeat the story over without it being a problem.

Anyone else have a good trick they use?

GothicGremlin

I lie like a rug. 🙂

Seriously though ... when Peggy used to ask me questions similar to that, I'd just brush it off with a "oh, I was thinking about work", or "I was just thinking", "I was just thinking about what I have to pick up at the grocery store - anything that's vague and not actually bad. It would give her a chance to feel involved and connected, but disconnected enough from the "bad" thing that was happening to me that it wasn't upsetting to her.

I don't know that the above is a trick, but it's something that's worked well for me in the past.

harshedbuzz

@dancsfo

@GothicGremlin 's advice is excellent.

You are correct that a PWD can parse mood-- emotional intelligence tends to remain a strength. Because of that, one of the most important things you can do for your LO's wellbeing is maintaining your game face. For me, this was a fake it 'til you make it situation. The trick that helped me was stepping out of myself and play the part of caregiver as a "roll" in a play or skit. The roll I played was sunny, warm and calm even when I was none of those things.

It was hard and uncomfortable at first, but it made it easier to manage my PWD who was by nature challenging.

HB

dancsfo

Thanks @harshedbuzz and @GothicGremlin for your thoughts. I agree that acting is fine, and it's like a fib. The goal is to help a LO's wellbeing, so I shouldn't have any concerns about not being insincere.

mommyandme (m&m)

“Why so glum?”… ‘oh, do I look glum? I’m sorry, I feel fine and am so glad to be here with you!’ (Smile/hug) A smile goes a long way for ourselves and those around us, even when we’re not feeling it. Customer service is always better when an associate smiles and seems light. (Although few and far between these days). I used to coach phone customer service representatives and advised them to smile, even over the phone, as it will likely change their attitude and probably the customer’s. It works for me, is it fake… YES. So many times we need to do the hard yet logical right step and often our heart will follow. A relief when the right thing meets us where our heart is.

Caregiving is extremely difficult in many ways. I’m very sorry you are having to travel this path.

dancsfo

Thanks @mommyandme (m&m) That makes a lot of sense. I'll try all the ideas mentioned earlier.

I think I take questions at face value and literally but there may be more to it. Sometimes, a LO/PWD wants to connect with another person, and of course they may be concerned about my glum feeling but they also may want to connect with us.