How to Care for Mom when She Doesn't Want It

valerieorr

My husband and I try to read as much as we can about dementia, Alzheimer's, etc so that we can give Mom the help, dignity and love she needs right now. (I've written previously of her wanting to go home...every week if not several days a week). It says that when she wants to go home, try to see if she's hungry, tired, etc. ...try to see what she's really wanting. We can understand she wants what she used to have, she is probably uncomfortable with us living here with her now, but when we try to address if she's hungry, would like to watch a certain show she likes, get a little nap, talk with some friends on the phone, she says she'll do that when she gets home. Nearly all of her former support to "take her home" won't do it any longer as once they bring her back, she says it's not her home (we're here and our vehicles are here). So they don't try anymore. We just don't know how to play into her reality or discover how to make her feel more comfortable without actually leaving her alone in her house. And she doesn't need to be alone in her house.

we really are trying different things hoping they work, and occasionally they do, but we need some solutions...are there any? she evidently isn't like a lot of folks with dementia/Alz (not sure she has ALZ) as her memory, short and long-term can be pretty spot on.

thank you!

psg712

So if you left her at home alone (just in theory here), would she recognize that she was home? If she doesn't know she's home now, even though you are there, it may be that she can't recognize it at all.

I know that's really hard to think about. Yes, she wants to be where things are familiar...but sometimes it's not the location, it's the condition. Don't know if that is the case for your mom or not, but your presence in her house should not make it hard for her to see that it's still her home, IF her mind is working logically.

valerieorr

thank you; we know her mind isn't working logically a majority of the time. we can never seem to get to the bottom of why/what is making her upset and how to help...especially since she doesn't realize she needs help and only willingly takes help from her sisters and a few neighbors. Occasionally she lets us do something for/with her.

she HAS believed herself to be at home and we were visiting; then got upset because we didn't leave...we have our own home (according to her). we see her changing, but the always wanting to go home and not knowing what would bring her the comfort she seeks is terribly hard on all of us. when she's ready to go home, she doesn't want to: eat something, drink something, go to bathroom, watch tv, listen to music...she wants to leave.

psg712

That is so hard. I wish I knew a way to make her (and you) feel better.

M1

Valerid have you discussed with her docs whether medications might help with her general level of anxiety? Something like Seroquel might be worth a try.

valerieorr

She has been given meds but won't take them...doesn't even like to take aspirin or allergy meds.

will only take the 3 meds her cardiologist prescribed, and she thinks he's the only one who can prescribe her any meds...and he won't prescribe her anything except heart-related meds, even though he's been told she has dementia (by us, her sister who goes with her to her visits to be sure the information is given by Mom and understood to tell us later...may have also spoken to her PCP who prescribed the meds for anxiety and hallucinations.) It would be too difficult to try to crush her meds daily because her eating patterns and choices of food are not such that something could be sprinkled in it.

thank you!

H1235

Can you just tell her the cardiologist prescribed something new. Does she need to see the bottle.