finally bringing in caregiver help

pookabera

Hi everyone, back after a bit of an absence! My Mom is starting her new job, and I really ought to start going back into the office when I'm able to, so we've finally reached the point where we need to bring in outside help to keep an eye on my dad and be available to help when we're not able to.

My parents' house is tiny, tiny. My mom's work desk is in her bedroom, and I work from the kitchen.

The caregiver, Catherine, is here and we've decided to try having my mom tell my dad that she's going to work and that I'm here and Catherine's here if he needs anything.

I'm going to have to try really hard to not hover. We've been so hands-on and doing everything by ourselves since the end of August, my immediate reaction is to jump up.

Anyway, mostly just venting my antsiness about it all - just waiting for him to shut down or be agitated or say something derogatory. Which isn't our fault and isn't really his fault, it all is just hard to be perfectly neutral about.

So, the three of us (me, my mom, and Catherine) are sitting in the kitchen and I'm trying to focus on work and not how the day is going to go. The plan now is for Catherine to be here Tuesdays and Wednesdays 8AM-5PM and after this week those are the days I'll be going into the office.

His hospice nurse is still visiting once every other week. He seems to see that there's been more decline. We've upped my dad's seroquel and have been fiddling with the senna dosage to help with BMs.

Trying to be optimistic that he'll be fine with everything, but we also know that it we need to do this if we're both going to continue working. Just mentally agonizing over things as usual. :)

M1

hope it goes well, do let us know. Very difficult I'm sure to get him to accept....fingers crossed.

SusanB-dil

Hi pookabera - Thanks for checking in. agree - hope all goes well. I know you are going to worry, but it sounds like you got this!

AlzWife2023

Congratulations on getting the help! I am findng that this step is the hardest. I have not made the leap yet.

pookabera

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194153#Comment_194153

It has been really, really difficult for us, so I totally understand. My mom and I have been able to support each other through this and me being here every day has made it possible for us to both work, but we knew we'd need extra help eventually. We'll see how he is with my mom once she's "home from work" in about 30 minutes, but he's been nice and amiable all day which is truly surprising.

We're doing kind of a tandem thing right now, where I'm going in every now and then to chit-chat about anything he might not say to the caregiver (talking about BMs, asking where my mom is) which I think might be helping with the agitation.

I hope things work out for you and you're able to get outside help when you need it! ❤️