Struggling with guilt and frustration

mthoneybee13

I have been my husband's sole caregiver for the past 3 years. During part of the time I was caregiving for him, I was diagnosed with cancer and had to work full time, go through chemo and take care of him as well. After much thought and contemplation, my husband is now living in a full-time memory care for facility. The emotional roller coaster has been quite a ride. I have some amazing emotional support from friends and counselors, but not so much is two daughters. They have been in denial and often I an outlet for their frustrations. My husband is 16 years older than me, so I am still young and relatively vibrant. I started listening to audiobook called neither married nor single. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I know there are no direct right or wrong answers to get through this time of my life. I've gone through so many cycles of emotions and grief, for the most part right now I just feel alienated and frustrated. I don't expect those who have not been down this road to understand, so I guess I'm looking for some understanding in this forum. Thanks for listening to me express my emotions. The depression is deep.

charley0419

Sorry you’re feeling this way. May I ask ages?? This illness has no mercy on our feelings.

DCCEPEK

Stay focused on your well being. Life is too short!

harshedbuzz

I am sorry.

You need to take care of you- physically, emotionally and spiritually-- whatever that means for you.

Young women with little lived experience just can't understand what you are and have been going though.

HB

wizmo

... "support from friends and counselors, but not so much is two daughters. They have been in denial and often I an outlet for their frustrations."

Did the daughters also NOT offer help much along the way? Don't take this emotional abuse. You already know not to expect understanding from those who do not get involved and experience the worst of times along with you. Focus on the good support you are getting and let the rest go, not worth feeding the negative.

I'll echo the advice I keep getting: do what is best for YOU, whatever form that takes.

M1

Welcome to the forum. All of us here understand-and with your own illness on top of that, my goodness! What do your daughters guilt trip you about-the fact that he's in MC? Pure BS, excuse my language.

I have read part of that book-am waiting on my library to get the print version, it's well written and insightful.

There are so many losses with dementia, i am sorry the relationship with your children is also on the line here. Very sad. Maybe they will come around eventually, but i agree that it's not worth any more emotional energy on your part. I hope this forum provides you some additional support, it has been an invaluable lifeline for me.

Ed1937

OMG, you have been through so much! The grief is bound to come, but there is no room for guilt! I don't know how you could go through chemo, work, and take care of him all at the same time. People here understand what it's like to be a caregiver, and they'll give you support. Welcome to the forum, but wish you had no use for it.