Mom is on her way to a memory unit!

Gigi S

Hi all! What an intense day!!

After hearing from Mom’s pcp yesterday that she had my mom’s admission papers ready to pick up today (Friday), and all I had to do was take Mom to the memory care facility— I thought everything was going to go smooth. Not!

Called the memory care facility once we arrived to see how to proceed and they told me “oh, they didnt tell you? it seems your pcp was confused with how we do admissions here… you have to go through the ER”.

I’ve read this before on this forum, so I wasn’t too shocked- wished they had communicated it sooner but alas what can you do.

I took Mom to the ER, where they had no beds. We had her in a bed in the hallway. I was iffy about this, as mentioned in another post, due to how she does in ‘public’ places. in the room that is situated in front of her bed, a woman gets brought in with 8 paramedics as she is seizing. Mom with her condition is confused and keeps trying to get ahold of each paramedic thinking they’re the doctor. Alone, I had to try to stabilize my mother as all the nurses are preoccupied with this coding (understandably so). However, not understandable to my mother. She becomes irate, no one understands why she is in the ER so I have to continuously explain myself. They try to give her medicine to calm her down, she refuses to drink the water as it “smells bad”. We try to crush it and put in apple sauce, she thinks it’s lotion and rubs it over her hands and arms. Eventually we manage to get her to take it. It doesnt have any effect. 

Finally, they say they’ll be taking her to geriatric psych. I cant go beyond the locking doors. Then, they come back out and insist I come in as there is no Spanish speaking nurse to help my mom. I have to help her undress and give her belongings over- to which she begins hitting me and they have to pull her off me. She starts yelling at me every word in the book. Eventually we’re able to get her in the room and I can exit… the nurses were understanding.

But then as the psychiatrist calls to ask more info about my mom, and I do the best to give information — he seems clearly bored and uninterested with my mom and her history at all. Very short and confused as to why I had to bring her in. I explained and he just dismissed it with an “okay.” 

So strange. But he says he’ll call me with any other updates on when they’ll be transferring over to the facility. A day of many conflicting emotions… now just waiting to hear from all her siblings on how i’ve failed her… can’t win them all! If they wanted her to stay, they could’ve offered to help as there’s 6 of them and only one of me.

All this to say,,, I’m glad it seems to be over. And glad to just be a daughter to her again after many years of being her caretaker even before her Alzheimer’s diagnosis.

M1

We had a similar very difficult ER experience and three week hospitalization before my partner went to MC. Also in a hallway for about 8 hours,and they wanted to do her admission history over Zoom in the hallway, but I refused. Sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad she's getting care. You have Not failed her and don't listen to that nonsense. Keep us posted.

darcytg

Wow Gigi,

I hope you have a peace filled night.

(((Hugs)))

Breathe.

Anonymousjpl123

I’m sorry it was so rough but yes sometimes the ER is the only way. In terms of siblings, I’m with you and others 💯 percent. It seems not uncommon for one adult child to have to care for the parent. That being said, I’m so happy your mom is going to be placed somewhere safe and as you said, you can focus on being her daughter not her caregiver. I know this feeling. It never gets easy but you are doing everything possible. I hope you get some rest.

Gigi S

Another setback;

Hospital called today and said they actually dont know when a bed will be free for her and they might have to release her back to us and then we have to try again at a later time.

So frustrating, at this point i’m certain my mom won’t want to interact with me and I don’t feel safe on doing this whole thing with her again. Going to see what they update me with later as they said they’d check the estimated time until the memory care unit had a bed available.

Miscommunication all around, they had told me yesterday they had a free bed and now i’m not certain. We’ll see, fingers crossed this whole mess ends.

M1

Gigi, don't accept her back. Just tell them that you can no longer care for her at home, period, and keep saying it over and over. It's a common tactic for them to pressure families to take someone home who no longer needs to be there.

Gigi S

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194603#Comment_194603

that’s so frustrating!! i imagined that’s what they were trying to do, ugh. She said it wouldnt be beneficial for my mom to stay with them, I told them well she doesnt have 24/7 care at her home right now so I find that’s even more harmful for her at the moment. Still haven’t received a callback since that one earlier. Hoping so badly for the best.

M1

yes, they will try to pressure you. Just keep saying that care at home is not an option.

psg712

I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I've had many frustrations with the hospital/rehab stay that my mom has been experiencing for the past 2 months, now working on transfer to memory care, but your story makes me realize how much harder it could be. Hugs and prayers. I work in health care too and will be the first to say that so many facilities and workers are not in tune with the needs of a PWD.

Gigi S

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194630#Comment_194630

Thank you for your comment. Overall, I find this forum helps me really notice just how not alone I am in this journey with my mom. It’s unfortunate how many of us are in these similar situations. It can always be much harder, but we are allowed to still feel stressed, upset, and afraid no matter the level of hardship we are at currently. Wishing you the best and your mom too!! I hope we can see better improvement in healthcare for PWD. 🙏🏼

housefinch

I hope you get that sorted out. I’m also in healthcare and beyond baffled by the actions of some healthcare professionals even within geriatrics or dementia care. After an assessment a year ago, my mom was told no longer to allow my stepdad to walk anywhere alone. However, despite his having a progressive disease, the geriatric care coordinator’s only suggestion this week—-when my mom was going to leave for a weekend—-was to try a “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” alert necklace plus 3 brief AL check in caregiver visits to their IL patio home. And no overnight companion. And his geriatrician PCP has never told my mom to stop leaving him home alone, as she does regularly when running errands. Sorry to hijack your thread. I get frustrated for you just reading your post. How can a family bring someone home for a few days while awaiting a bed? That’s ridiculous.

psg712

Yes, totally ridiculous and IMO just a way to dump the PWD out of the system. Total lack of regard for the needs of the PWD and no concern at all for the stress on the family. We in health care are so overwhelmed with too many needs to meet that we lose our compassion for the individuals who look to us for help 😢