How to engage dad

mpang123

My dad has no interest to do anything except eat and sleep. He used to be tech savvy but now he don't know how to use the computer, laptop, cellphone, iPad or the remote. He can't follow the news even though he always want to watch CNN. He used to love driving but of course he can't do that anymore. He loved fishing but he is wheelchair bound now. He is a solitary man. Doesn't like talking to people, even with family and just like to be alone. He can't do puzzles or comprehend anything he reads. No wonder he only wants to sleep his life away. There's nothing to do and I'm sure he's depressed and bored. I am going to try to see if he remembers old photos and maybe volley with a balloon to get some eye/hand coordination. He used to have home health PT/OT but eventually refused them all. Any suggestions about how and what to engage my dad with?

M1

I think the photos are a good idea. However, apathy is a very common feature of advanced disease. He may not be as bored as you think, that's likely projection on your part though very understandable. My partner is also a lifelong introvert and has no interest in participating in most of the group activities at her MC.

darcytg

Music? There's lots of research and plenty of shared experience here where music is a happy enjoyable experience.

Best of everything on your journey.

mpang123

I know he used to enjoy me playing the piano. Maybe I will bring my portable keyboard with me and play for him. He used to listen to music when he was driving. I will try to play his favorite radio station. Thanks for the inspiration!

Anonymousjpl123

Yes it is so hard. My mom has all of her stuff around her - photo albums, books, study notes from many projects, old momentos, all kinds of things…none of it interests her, but I do notice she keeps it all very organized. I have found on visits that I can pull things out, ask questions, and it will often engage her. But on her own, she only wants to show me the same 5 pictures of my dad (granted he met some cool people).

I’ve come to sense that she isn’t bored, but rather struggling and sometimes ok with what her life is now. I’m trying to work on acceptance. This past week, I visited her one evening because she was super anxious. I wound up just sitting with her, relaxing in her room, I even lay down, chatting about nothing, until she fell asleep. She seemed to feel calmer.

You will find ways to connect.

mpang123

I am going to order some picture books for dad to engage in. He likes scenery and nature.

Lil_Lisa

I am having the same issues with my daddy. He’s 85, and he’s been living with my husband and me for almost a year now. He is also extremely apathetic.

After spending so much time with him, I think that he truly can’t comprehend what he’s reading, watching, etc. There’s been many times that he will say, “ I don’t know what’s going on”. This pertains to TV shows or movies that we have both been watching.

I don’t know what is going on in his brain but it must be scary and so confusing.

My daddy has Vascular Dementia and seems to be getting worse. Even though I give him books, word finds, all sorts of things to occupy him, he thanks me and sets them aside. He has zero interest in doing anything but to watch TV.

It’s sad to see my funny, smart daddy changing. Lots of love and prayers for all of us.

rhun1320

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194545#Comment_194545

My Das used to love for my sister and I to play piano and sing along. Now, not so much. It seems to irritate him now.

terei

Apathy is very very common for PWD and hard to watch. It is even harder to come to acceptance. If they do not want to engage, that’s just the way it is.